Rough Couple of Weeks....

Good evening everyone.
When I started this blog; it was for the purpose of keeping you updated, and I've not done a good job of doing that lately! So, hang on for the ride.  This is a lot of info; and hopefully you will see why I've chosen this title for this post.  Having said this:  Please be assured that I have never lost sight that God is in control and He has been before me.  And, having said that; hopefully you will see/understand how even in the sight of that I could be a little discouraged!


On the day of my last chemo (April 19) I had a plastic surgeon appointment.  As many of you are aware; I have had a 'leaky' incision for about 2 months.  This has caused my incision to be hindered in the healing process because it could not stay dry in order to heal correctly.  Therefore, she (the dr.) inserted a drain tube so that my incision could heal properly and the fluid could drain properly.  She also told me the only other thing she knew of to do if this doesn't work is to remove the expander (implant), let my body heal completely and start all over.  (WHich is NOT what I want!!!)


Usually in 4-5 days, I am 'over' chemo and feeling more like myself; but not this time.  I was feeling good enough by Saturday to take prom pictures; but it wore me out!! (SO that was NOT my normal self!!)  Come to find out, I had Thrush.  Each time I have had chemo, I have gotten thrush (a yeast infection that is caused by the 'good' bacteria being stripped from my mouth/esophogus/stomach)  I have pills and mouth swish and apparently started taking it too soon or something (Will ask next chemo visit). I never had the same symptoms I had previously, so I didn't realize thrush was rearing its ugly head!!  
The following WEdnesday (10 days from chemo); I had a fever after church of almost 102!!  No other signs of infection!!  The PS office didn't seem alarmed because of the answers we gave to their questions.  The oncologist office said it was probably thrush, go ahead and start with another round of the pills.  (So, I gladly did in order to get rid of it!!)


The following Friday; my friend Jenny and I spent the night out of town getting ready for a Beth Moore conference at Woodstock FBC.  We were both so excited!!  As we got ourselves ready for bed that night, I noticed I had much redness, swelling and 'temperature' around my previously leaky incision!!  Cause for alarm!!  Some of the questions I'd been asked by the PS office were showing up now.  I knew I had an appointment the coming Monday so I watched it carefully and it never got worse and even got some better.


I still, at this point, had not 'bounced back' from chemo.  I was still very tired and just could not seem to have any energy.


On Monday I had my weekly blood check at the oncology office.  This report showed that I was borderline anemic!  So, that explained the tired/no energy!!  (WHich made me feel better that there was a reason!)  They will check again tomorrow (monday, 5/3) and if I have dropped (red blood count) they will talk about giving me a shot to boost this number.  On this same day, the plastic surgeon reported everything was looking GREAT.  There was still a bit of redness (which I was WAY worried about); but there were NO SIGNS of infection!!  This was truly an answered prayer.  I was convinced I might have a few days with some IV antibiotics, but God was thinking otherwise!!! She was happy to see a dry incision (first time in a couple of months) and fluid draining away from incision.  Very good report, and a very happy me!!


This past WEdnesday; something happened (still don't know what) and the stitched part of my incision bled (enough to soak thru 2 shirts).  Hasn't bled since and the more I look at it, the more I think I've opened it back up some how.  From WEdnesday until Saturday it remained dry, but began leaking fluid again on Saturday afternoon!!  


Overnight at some point on Friday night, my drain tube worked its way out and stopped pulling the fluid correctly.  We called a nurse friend who came early Saturday a.m. and was able to feed it back in and tape it with steri-strips.  So far (this is Sunday p.m.) it has stayed in place and continued to pull fluid as it is supposed to.  However, my incision continues to leak (again).  I have an appointment with the plastic surgeon.  I am so hoping that she can do something to either close the incision or fix it somehow.  I am also hoping she can stitch the drain tube back into place without starting all over (that was a painful process!!)


One of my posts, I talked about transparency and about you can't really be transparent without a light source behind the 'subject'!  I am afraid I've not been quite the transparent one lately.  I keep thinking 'things' are gonna get better; and that it could be MUCH worse (which it could).  I have not allowed my friends to be in on this with me.  I have told myself from the very beginning of this journey that mine is nothing compared to some people's journey!! This is very true, but I've come to the conclusion that this is MY journey and I'm having a hard time!!  


As the 'plan' was... I should have been getting ready to schedule surgery #2 to get my permanent implants and get on the road to healing.  As it stands, I've not been able to progress toward this goal in over 2 months!!  This frustrates me a lot!!  


I also will be returning to work a week from now.  This concerns me a little given the last 2-3 weeks of 'progress'~ but if I don't return to work, I'll be docked and total, that will be about 20 days worth of pay.  Not a good thing to miss that many days of pay!!


I am concerned that my incision is leaking again and frustrated because it doesn't matter what I do; I cannot seem to heal!!


I am concerned that my next chemo is tomorrow (monday) and I'm really not 'over' the last one and all the other 'excitement.'


I am concerned that I am just having a hard time emotionally.... and don't like it.  I know I am human and all that.... but really.... being down in the dumps and whining is NOT going to help!!  But, that seems to be where I am at this point.... Quite discouraged!!


So, as I update you all; I also ask you to pray for these issues I've spelled out.  I really NEED to be more healed than I am.  In just three short weeks, my oldest graduates.  This will be a VERY BUSY time, and I SO want to enjoy these events with him.  He does not deserve to celebrate and me not be there to celebrate with him!!!  


Thank you, friends.  Sorry this post has been so long, and if you've made it to this point, I appreciate your continued support, prayer and friendship!!


I will try to update tomorrow after my Plastic Surgeon appointment..... 
Until then.......