Transparent:

Over the past few weeks, this whole idea of 'transparency' has been brewing in my pea brain. I'm really not sure why; but it has. Part of the reason I've thought about it is I've asked myself the question, "Why did you even start this blog?" Answers I've come up with are: Hmmmm, I don't know; To keep people posted on my progress; to bring attention to myself; and those pretty much sum up what I"ve wrestled with.

Those of you who know me well, know that I do not like attention being drawn to myself; and it makes me quite uncomfortable when it is.

Several of you have left comments saying what and 'inspiration' this blog has been. Not sure that was my aim, but if it has been, that is alright!!

As I've traveled this journey thus far, physically and emotionally, there have been some really great days, and some really not so great days. On one of those not so great days is when this word, "Transparency" popped into my head.

I have finally realized, come to the conclusion that; in order to be transparent, there has to be some darkness and some light. So, there you go. Chew on that for a little while!!

Have you ever been to the point where you were afraid to pray, "Whatever it takes, Lord; I'll do what you want!"? That can be scary. Do we really mean that? Or, do we mean, "Whatever it takes as long as I don't lose anything or become bothered during the process."

My point is this: In order for others to see what the Light is that shines for others to through the person; there must be a contrast of that light, which is dark. I am not meaning good vs. evil; but... Anything that allows LIGHT to shine through darkness. In my case, breast cancer/chemo. In others cases it might be the loss of a job; a death of a loved one; difficult situations. So... are YOU transparent?

As I have the countdown to chemo..... I am afraid that I'm becoming more and more transparent:
I do not want to do chemo.
I want to know exactly what will happen (impossible)
I want to know that I won't have horrid side effects like so many have shared that I 'will' have.
I want to be assured of everything being alright.

So, as I was hit by the 2x4 of 'transparency' I realize that me having those wants listed above would not allow any light to show through at all.... So, again, I ask you for your prayers.

Please pray that God's hand will continue to be upon every phase of my remaining healing/treatments.
Please pray for my precious family that we'll be able to handle with grace what is before us, whatever that is.
Please pray that I can look at this as an opportunity rather than a 'sentence'....

Thanks, friends!!!
And, finally.... I wonder: Are YOU transparent? Do you have THE light shining from behind or within you? What are others seeing as they see within you? Is it Jesus? If not... might ought to change the bulb!!!

Tuesday, March 2 will be my first chemo treatment. I will have a total of 6 treatments, each being 3 weeks apart. THere really isn't any 'progress' to report until then, unless something happens. So.... until Tuesday.....

Snow and Travel

Hey everyone!! Not sure where you live, but we've just experienced the prettiest snow I remember seeing in a really long time. Perfect for playing in... and that we (and by we I mean I watched!!) did!! What fun!!!!

I have another doctors appointment in Atlanta on Monday, Feb 15. Seemingly, that isn't a problem. However, it is pouring snow as I type this, and we have 3-5 inches predicted before noon tomorrow, which happens to also be Feb. 15. It is at least a 2 hour drive for us to get to ATlanta to the doctor's office.

There has been some swelling and redness that we've been watching and keeping in contact with the doctor's office about, therefore, this appointment NEEDS to happen (have I mentioned that I am terrified of getting an infection??).

So, Chris and I are going down to spend the night in order for us to be there safely. We will get out of town before dark; and hopefully arrive safely there with no road worries tonight.

Please pray for us to be safe as we travel both today and tomorrow. Also, please pray for our children, who will be home (with several neighbors close by) not to have worries about our safety; and my doctor's appointment..... we are going to try to call first thing in the morning to see if they can take me earlier, and hopefully get home quicker!!

Thank you, blogger friends, for praying.

I went to church for the first time since my surgery this morning. It was good to see many faces that I've missed greatly. Attendance was low due to the road conditions but it was still good to be back!!

On this Valentines day, I hope that you will look at those around you and realized how blessed you are. We don't always get along; or even LIKE each other. BUT LOVE goes much deeper than that!! So, I challenge you today to examine just how blessed you are. And... tell people you love them. Even if it is awkward, do it!! Do not find yourself looking over someone's grave and regretting anything. Live your life so that you can say that you've lived, loved and laughed every day!!!!!

Doctor's Visit:

Just a quick update of today's activities (at least, I'll try to keep it quick....)

late on Friday we discovered one of my remaining drain tubes had come unsecured. So, we kept it taped and stabalized as best we could over the weekend, thanks to nurse friends!!

Last night before bed, the tube had stopped working, it would no longer draw the extra fluid from my body. So, we called the doctor first thing this morning, and of course the wanted to see me.

When get there, they removed that one drain, and jokingly I said that it would NOT hurt my feelings to go ahead and remove the last one while we were there. Well, they did!!!!!! I was so excited!!!

BUT, once they removed it, there had been a clog in part of the tube, and only a little fluid was being allowed into the actual drain. So, thankfully, we were in the doctor's office~with the doctor because the flood gates were opened and much fluid was released!! Nothing bad, just happened.

Other than this excitement that was really funny in hindsight; my progress was satisfactory!! I will go back in one week for her to check to make sure everything is still ok. I will also begin to 'expand' at that time.

Please continue to pray for speedy recovery and 'correct' healing. I am doing really good, but still a lot more sore than I want to be. I am reminded very quickly that I am not "up to par' yet!!

I also understand that some of you have had issues with posting comments, and I apologize. If I understand the settings, I have it set for anyone to be able to add a comment. If you'd rather send me a personal email message, you can do so at the following address:
ckmiller5@gmail.com

Thanks everyone!!!!!!!

Testing....

Sorry.  This really isn't a 'real' post.  I was trying to see if I could figure out how to post something wihtout having my computer right in front of me!  Guess I figured it out!!!!!

One bit of exciting news today is this:  Another Drain Tube came out!!!!  YAY!!  2 down, 2 to go!!

Sent from my iPod

Oncology, and stuff

Hello everyone.... Sorry I didn't get this updated yesterday!!

Today is 2 weeks from surgery!!! I am feeling pretty good, but the past couple of days I've been hurting more. Probably moved the wrong way or something... I have been 'pain meds free' for several days, taking only Extra Strength Tylenol at bed time!!

Yesterday was my oncology appointment. The doctor checked everything out and said it looked as though I was healing nicely. We talked about the plan of action for my Chemotherapy. I will have a total of 6 treatments, each being 3 weeks apart. I will have my first treatment the first week of March. She said the regimen that I'll have is generally tolerated very well, so, I'm hoping to return to work after that first treatment.

She had a copy of the surgical pathology report, and confirmed that the surgery I chose was the right choice. On the right side, there was evidence of pre-cancerous activity in several places. (OF course these hadn't shown up anywhere as cancer....). SO, I'm so thankful for the decisions we've made, and the peace we've had about them!!

I continue to do things each day...sometimes, things I shouldn't do. Just ready to be healed and up and around again!! I've not been a very patient patient!! (THe last few days anyway). I am still waiting for drain tubes to come out and will celebrate the day the last one leaves!!!

Again, thank you for your continued prayers!!