I just realized that I've not been a very faithful blogger lately. That is both a good and bad thing!! It is good, because that means there has been nothing much to update!! Bad, because I guess you didn't know that! Sorry....
Which brings me to today: In the morning, I will have surgery. This is my 'exchange' surgery that will replace my temporary implants with the permanent ones. This is the last big hurdle that I will have to jump in the list of my recovery things!!!! And, just in time for the end of the year!!
If all had gone as 'planned'.... I would have easily been able to have all these hurdle completed by now. That isn't really how I do things, as you know by now!! I so wanted to have this done in this year, 2010, so I can just write it off as finished!!! God was good to provide that for me.
This surgery will be outpatient. We have to be at the hospital at 6:00 a.m. and should be on the road for home by lunchtime or so!! (Just in time to stop and get some Chick-Fil-A!!!)
Everyone tells me this will be the easiest of the things I've faced so far. We'll see, I guess.
So, if you wouldn't mind praying, yet again, for us, I'd sure appreciate it!!
~Please pray for the team of doctors, nurses, etc. Please pray they will have a good night's rest tonight, and will be ready to take good care of me (and Chris)!
~Please pray I don't get any stomach bug or crud that has been going around.... pre or post surgery.
~Please pray for my children. They are all doing great. I so want them to be peaceful about this, and they seem to be.
I am hopeful that your perspective on Christmas is Christ centered ~ Take a few minutes out of the busy-ness of the season just to let it sink in... what this season really means...... THIS is the time that God began His process of healing for all of us. He sent His Son, Jesus, in order that we might be 'healed' of our sin. No longer do we have to rely on someone else to approach the Throne for us, but WE can do that ourselves. What a personal God we have. So, I would encourage you to take those few minutes... It might just be a time you need.....
Merry Christmas to you all. I will post tomorrow to let you know how things are!!
Love you all.....
Monday, December 20, 2010
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Surgery update
Hello friends and neighbors!
I wanted to let you know that I'm doing GREAT!! NOTHING like the last surgery. I am in no pain, but I"m very sore. As long as I stay still it is all fine!! I can get out of the recliner all by myself!! (That is HUGE because it took a while last time!
I'm sure the ride home yesterday was a bit comical, because I just could NOT keep my eyes open! I tried and tried, but just couldn't!! I would sleep for just a few minutes and when I'd wake up it seemed like I had been sleeping for hours!!
The doctor was pleased with how everything went. If I am remembering right (and that is afar fetch at some points the last day or so)... she removed a good bit of scar tissue, positioned the tissue expander and was able to put more fluid in than was anticipated.
You will get a kick out of this: When got in there, she found some fluid that had built up over time! It wasn't much, but cracked me up kind of. She did send the fluid to the lab, so we'll see what it turns out to be!!
I have a follow up visit on Tuesday with the surgeon. I also have my herceptin 'treatment'... along with that, they are putting magnesium into my drip. This, hopefully, will help with my energy levels.
I will return to school on Wednesday!
Thanks for all the prayers!! Hope you all have a great Labor Day weekend!!!!
I wanted to let you know that I'm doing GREAT!! NOTHING like the last surgery. I am in no pain, but I"m very sore. As long as I stay still it is all fine!! I can get out of the recliner all by myself!! (That is HUGE because it took a while last time!
I'm sure the ride home yesterday was a bit comical, because I just could NOT keep my eyes open! I tried and tried, but just couldn't!! I would sleep for just a few minutes and when I'd wake up it seemed like I had been sleeping for hours!!
The doctor was pleased with how everything went. If I am remembering right (and that is afar fetch at some points the last day or so)... she removed a good bit of scar tissue, positioned the tissue expander and was able to put more fluid in than was anticipated.
You will get a kick out of this: When got in there, she found some fluid that had built up over time! It wasn't much, but cracked me up kind of. She did send the fluid to the lab, so we'll see what it turns out to be!!
I have a follow up visit on Tuesday with the surgeon. I also have my herceptin 'treatment'... along with that, they are putting magnesium into my drip. This, hopefully, will help with my energy levels.
I will return to school on Wednesday!
Thanks for all the prayers!! Hope you all have a great Labor Day weekend!!!!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Labor Day Weekend...
Ahhh, a long weekend!! Don't we just love the thought of having a 4 day work week? This weekend is traditionally spent by celebrating the last little bit of summer before the beautiful Fall season is upon us. This year, I'll be celebrating, but not the last little bit of summer! I'll be celebrating that I am recovering from surgery!! I know that doesn't sound like much of a celebration, but, this means I am able to make some progress!!
Friday morning, September 3, I will have surgery to replace the tissue expander (implant) that was removed because of the fluid issues back in the spring! I will be at Northside, ATlanta and will be there only as outpatient!
On Tuesday (following Labor Day) I will have the next Herceptin treatment. My boodwork is still a little out of whack, so I will have magnesium in my infusion, as well. Hopefully, this will boost it enough to return to the 'normal' state and I won't have to worry about it any more!! (I am told low magnesium can contribute to my tiredness... SO ready for that to be over!!)
There IS exciting news today!! (Not that the other things were not exciting)
For the first time in several months, I am wearing mascara on my little eyelashes!! AND, my hair is growing in very dark and thick!! (although, on the top, it is a big gray... not a little bit, but a big bit!!)
So, things are moving right along, and I'm looking forward to being a step closer to the finish line of this road!!
Would you mind praying for the following things?
~Doctors, nurses, all staff at Northside that will be involved with my care
~A good night's sleep for me and Chris tonight
~NO EXCESS FLUID this time!!!
~NO MRSA!!!!!!
~Speedy and complete recovery
~Blood levels to return to normal
Thanks everyone!! Hope you have a great Labor Day Weekend!! Look for things to celebrate! Doesn't matter how large or small, if it is to be celebrated, CELEBRATE!!!!
Friday morning, September 3, I will have surgery to replace the tissue expander (implant) that was removed because of the fluid issues back in the spring! I will be at Northside, ATlanta and will be there only as outpatient!
On Tuesday (following Labor Day) I will have the next Herceptin treatment. My boodwork is still a little out of whack, so I will have magnesium in my infusion, as well. Hopefully, this will boost it enough to return to the 'normal' state and I won't have to worry about it any more!! (I am told low magnesium can contribute to my tiredness... SO ready for that to be over!!)
There IS exciting news today!! (Not that the other things were not exciting)
For the first time in several months, I am wearing mascara on my little eyelashes!! AND, my hair is growing in very dark and thick!! (although, on the top, it is a big gray... not a little bit, but a big bit!!)
So, things are moving right along, and I'm looking forward to being a step closer to the finish line of this road!!
Would you mind praying for the following things?
~Doctors, nurses, all staff at Northside that will be involved with my care
~A good night's sleep for me and Chris tonight
~NO EXCESS FLUID this time!!!
~NO MRSA!!!!!!
~Speedy and complete recovery
~Blood levels to return to normal
Thanks everyone!! Hope you have a great Labor Day Weekend!! Look for things to celebrate! Doesn't matter how large or small, if it is to be celebrated, CELEBRATE!!!!
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Summer Time Pictures
I am going to attempt to post some pictures of our wonderful summer!! God was gracious and I was able to go everywhere I wanted to go!! Here are a few pics!!
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| My precious family at the beach! |
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| Me and my man!! |
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| Waiting for food! Happy girls!!! |
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| Gabe's new home (away from home)!! |
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| GO SHORTER HAWKS!! |
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| First day of school, 2010-11 Katie is 8th grade Kelsey is a Junior |
Rolling along....
Hey everyone!!
Just wanted to give you a quick update on things that are happening!!
I have surgery set for September 3. This will be to replace the expander (implant) that had to be removed back in the spring. This will put me back to square one!! From that point, I'll travel to the doctor's office approximately every two weeks to be 'filled up.' Once this process is finished, I will have one more surgery to replace the temporary implants with the permanent ones.
I am still doing the Herceptin treatment. This is the antibody that teaches my body to fight the HER2 protein that my cancer fed from. I will do this every three weeks until March. (If I counted right, that is only 10 more times!!) This is 'non-toxic' and does not make me sick, tired, etc.
I am growing hair!! It has begun to 'come back' and I am so excited!! If I happen to bump in to you somewhere, I will show you!! Many people have predicted how it would come back (straight, curly, dark or light). So far, it is a good bit darker than my 'old' hair... but I don't think it is curly. Last night, I was re-tying my doo-rag; and got a few hairs caught in the knot!! That was COOL!!!!
School has started back!! The girls and I are trying to settle into a routine. It is taking me much longer than usual to do this, and it is driving me crazy!! I am realizing that just because i'm done with chemo, its effects aren't done with me!! (I am still slightly on the anemic side. This doesn't help!!)
We've taken Gabe to school, and he continues to adjust. Football camp/practice has been good, but very different. He hasn't started classes yet. His schedule seems good for a first semester freshman. Hopefully, in the next couple of weeks, he'll have a routine, too. Things sure are different around here without him!! (We are still in the process of adjusting, too!)
I am thankful that there is nothing really 'exciting' to report....having said that, I'm excited that things seem to FINALLY be progressing!!
This is also "Judgement House" season coming up. THAT is exciting!!!
If you don't mind, please pray for the following for our family:
~Everyone to settle into a routine and feel good with new routines.
~Upcoming surgery that it will be successful (no infections!!!!)
~Energy level to return... anemia to go away...
Thanks friends!!!
Look for something in every situation to be thankful for. Might not make sense at the time, but, will do wonders for your attitude!! :)
Just wanted to give you a quick update on things that are happening!!
I have surgery set for September 3. This will be to replace the expander (implant) that had to be removed back in the spring. This will put me back to square one!! From that point, I'll travel to the doctor's office approximately every two weeks to be 'filled up.' Once this process is finished, I will have one more surgery to replace the temporary implants with the permanent ones.
I am still doing the Herceptin treatment. This is the antibody that teaches my body to fight the HER2 protein that my cancer fed from. I will do this every three weeks until March. (If I counted right, that is only 10 more times!!) This is 'non-toxic' and does not make me sick, tired, etc.
I am growing hair!! It has begun to 'come back' and I am so excited!! If I happen to bump in to you somewhere, I will show you!! Many people have predicted how it would come back (straight, curly, dark or light). So far, it is a good bit darker than my 'old' hair... but I don't think it is curly. Last night, I was re-tying my doo-rag; and got a few hairs caught in the knot!! That was COOL!!!!
School has started back!! The girls and I are trying to settle into a routine. It is taking me much longer than usual to do this, and it is driving me crazy!! I am realizing that just because i'm done with chemo, its effects aren't done with me!! (I am still slightly on the anemic side. This doesn't help!!)
We've taken Gabe to school, and he continues to adjust. Football camp/practice has been good, but very different. He hasn't started classes yet. His schedule seems good for a first semester freshman. Hopefully, in the next couple of weeks, he'll have a routine, too. Things sure are different around here without him!! (We are still in the process of adjusting, too!)
I am thankful that there is nothing really 'exciting' to report....having said that, I'm excited that things seem to FINALLY be progressing!!
This is also "Judgement House" season coming up. THAT is exciting!!!
If you don't mind, please pray for the following for our family:
~Everyone to settle into a routine and feel good with new routines.
~Upcoming surgery that it will be successful (no infections!!!!)
~Energy level to return... anemia to go away...
Thanks friends!!!
Look for something in every situation to be thankful for. Might not make sense at the time, but, will do wonders for your attitude!! :)
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Changes....
WOW. It has been a long time since I've written. That means there haven't been many things going on medically!! YAY!!!! I've kept thinking I would write a quick update, but have not taken time to do that. Sorry!!
Here is a quick recap of our summer: Early in June, I was diagnosed with MRSA and took 2 weeks of antibiotics. As far as I know, it is GONE!! At the end of June I was able to go to New Orleans with the youth!! First of July was the LAST chemo!! The next week I was able to go to Centrifuge (youth camp) followed by a family vacation to the beach! Whew!!! makes me tired just thinking about it!!! BUT I wouldn't change one thing about it!!
Over the course of the summer, Chris has talked about changes some. At some points he has even used the phrase "Summer of Change"~ and, as I've thought about this, I've decided this has been a YEAR of change for our family!!
We began this whole 'ordeal' or 'journey' or whatever you want to call it in December with surgery in January~and it has definitely brought about changes!! Not only have there been physical changes for all of us (obviously my surgery, but for everyone else~they are having to DO things they usually don't have to do), but also emotional and spiritual changes, as well. Some of these are good changes, and some not so good~ but they are changes nonetheless!
Change is a scary word for many people. Many of us are up for a change if that means we know all the details and know it will bring about positive things for us!! But, when we don't know details and we don't know what the outcome will be, or we don't feel prepared for change... it isn't such a welcome friend!!
I am usually a 'roll with the punches' kind of person... as long as I'm the one calling the punches!! Haa haa... I think most of us are this way! As long as we have some kind of 'handle' and control over what is happening, we aren't so worried about the changes that are happening before us.
Many of us know that this doesn't always work!! Of course, with all my medical stuff, I've not had much say-so in the events since December.... no one asked me if I wanted to have surgery or chemo, or MRSA. (well, they DID say I didn't have to do any of these things.... but the outcome would not have been desireable!!) I've had to put my trust completely in others to educate me and help guide my decisions. This is a difficult task for many of us!! HOWEVER, I wouldn't trade it for anything!! God has a way of pushing us into situations to grow us, much like we do with our own children! Without being forced to trust others completely, I would not have learned to trust my Heavenly Father on such a deeper level than I had already!!
Why this topic? Why am I so caught up in this subject at this time? Several reasons:
~Life IS change!! Very seldom are we without some kind of change in our lives. How much easier would it be if we just rolled with the punches because we are completely convinced God is going to take care of us?
~Change is adventure! Sometimes these things that turn out differently or must be directed in other paths turns out to be such an adventure!! That can be both positive and negative. However, in these times is when we get to see Romans 8:28 come to life~literally!! (For we KNOW that ALL things come together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to HIS purpose.)
~In our family, we are about to embark on yet another change! We've prepared for this for 18 years; yet I feel so unprepared!!! Our oldest will report to school today. We will load up his clothes and whatever else we fine and take him to college. How exciting!! We are so proud of him!! He is ready and excited, as well. However, I am NOT looking forward to the drive home!!! I am not looking forward to the change this brings to our family. I know it is the right thing, and the best thing for him, yet.... DREAD is the word that comes to mind!! We are going to survive... afterall, we aren't the first family to undergo this situation, nor will we be the last!! Very bittersweet times around here!!!
I should also find out today a surgery date for my next surgery (to replace the implant that had to be removed). Hopefully that will be just before Labor day!
Look around you~ are there changes that are happening in your life that you aren't real sure you want? Are there changes that NEED to be made? Are there changes being forced on you? Well, on the surface, they may seem horrible... but in the long run, they might just be the best thing that ever happened.... It all comes down to this: Do you trust your Heavenly Father enough to take care of those details you cannot take care of?
Until next time.......
Here is a quick recap of our summer: Early in June, I was diagnosed with MRSA and took 2 weeks of antibiotics. As far as I know, it is GONE!! At the end of June I was able to go to New Orleans with the youth!! First of July was the LAST chemo!! The next week I was able to go to Centrifuge (youth camp) followed by a family vacation to the beach! Whew!!! makes me tired just thinking about it!!! BUT I wouldn't change one thing about it!!
Over the course of the summer, Chris has talked about changes some. At some points he has even used the phrase "Summer of Change"~ and, as I've thought about this, I've decided this has been a YEAR of change for our family!!
We began this whole 'ordeal' or 'journey' or whatever you want to call it in December with surgery in January~and it has definitely brought about changes!! Not only have there been physical changes for all of us (obviously my surgery, but for everyone else~they are having to DO things they usually don't have to do), but also emotional and spiritual changes, as well. Some of these are good changes, and some not so good~ but they are changes nonetheless!
Change is a scary word for many people. Many of us are up for a change if that means we know all the details and know it will bring about positive things for us!! But, when we don't know details and we don't know what the outcome will be, or we don't feel prepared for change... it isn't such a welcome friend!!
I am usually a 'roll with the punches' kind of person... as long as I'm the one calling the punches!! Haa haa... I think most of us are this way! As long as we have some kind of 'handle' and control over what is happening, we aren't so worried about the changes that are happening before us.
Many of us know that this doesn't always work!! Of course, with all my medical stuff, I've not had much say-so in the events since December.... no one asked me if I wanted to have surgery or chemo, or MRSA. (well, they DID say I didn't have to do any of these things.... but the outcome would not have been desireable!!) I've had to put my trust completely in others to educate me and help guide my decisions. This is a difficult task for many of us!! HOWEVER, I wouldn't trade it for anything!! God has a way of pushing us into situations to grow us, much like we do with our own children! Without being forced to trust others completely, I would not have learned to trust my Heavenly Father on such a deeper level than I had already!!
Why this topic? Why am I so caught up in this subject at this time? Several reasons:
~Life IS change!! Very seldom are we without some kind of change in our lives. How much easier would it be if we just rolled with the punches because we are completely convinced God is going to take care of us?
~Change is adventure! Sometimes these things that turn out differently or must be directed in other paths turns out to be such an adventure!! That can be both positive and negative. However, in these times is when we get to see Romans 8:28 come to life~literally!! (For we KNOW that ALL things come together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to HIS purpose.)
~In our family, we are about to embark on yet another change! We've prepared for this for 18 years; yet I feel so unprepared!!! Our oldest will report to school today. We will load up his clothes and whatever else we fine and take him to college. How exciting!! We are so proud of him!! He is ready and excited, as well. However, I am NOT looking forward to the drive home!!! I am not looking forward to the change this brings to our family. I know it is the right thing, and the best thing for him, yet.... DREAD is the word that comes to mind!! We are going to survive... afterall, we aren't the first family to undergo this situation, nor will we be the last!! Very bittersweet times around here!!!
I should also find out today a surgery date for my next surgery (to replace the implant that had to be removed). Hopefully that will be just before Labor day!
Look around you~ are there changes that are happening in your life that you aren't real sure you want? Are there changes that NEED to be made? Are there changes being forced on you? Well, on the surface, they may seem horrible... but in the long run, they might just be the best thing that ever happened.... It all comes down to this: Do you trust your Heavenly Father enough to take care of those details you cannot take care of?
Until next time.......
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
NO MO chemo!!!!
This morning, I arrived at the office for my final chemo!!! I will have herceptin until March, but it is a non-toxic antibody. So, I am hoping and praying for recovery to be 'down hill' from here!!
My blood counts were really good today (even with fighting the MRSA and being in New Orleans last week!!)
My incision site looks "great" according to the oncologist!!
I will see the plastic surgeon on Thursday of this week, hoping to get the same report~
And, I think that is all for today's activities. It was an uneventful time of chemo... and I won't have to be there very long at all for the Herceptin (30-45 minutes every 3 weeks!!)
Now, to report on last week:
I WAS able to go to New Orleans with the Youth. I went and came back with everyone else, and didn't have to 'quit' early.
I learned early in the week that I HAD to take it easy/rest during the work day~ So, after we had Day Camp each day (and ate lunch) I was 'grounded' ~ I was 'allowed' to lay down in an out of the way place, put my swollen ankles up and rest for the remainder of the work day.
I also didn't go to the French Quarters on "free day" WEdnesday evening. I stayed at the church where we were staying and slept ~ and that is what got me thru the rest of the week!!
Overall, I was pleased with how much stuff I WAS able to do. I kept the gatorade coolers filled, and made it through Summer Day Camp each day.
It was hard to remember that I wasn't really able to 'do" more than that.... no power tools, or hauling trash to the dumpster, or helping demolish anything (except one tiny thing)......
God has truly kept His hand on me. There really is no reason I should have made it last week in the heat and the schedule alone. However, I did, and I did fine. I was no more tired than I have been on previous trips. I didn't only make it, I accomplished a little while I was there. Nothing that can be seen. I can't take you and show you....but I did do things!! I had decided that it was alright just to be there even if I didn't get to contribute.... but God went the extra mile... and I WAS able to contribute a little bit!!! I got misty several times being overwhelmed with just being with the group!!!
Thank you for your prayers!! I am dreading the rest of the week with this last chemo... I want it just to be easy and quick. We'll see!!!
So, in honor of this being my LAST CHEMO... I want to invite you to celebrate with me!! Have an ice cream, or piece of cake (or both), or buy yourself a little treat you've been considering.... Do something to LIVE a little.... out of the ordinary!!! Life is too short to deprive yourself!!!!
Love you all...
Until next time.....
My blood counts were really good today (even with fighting the MRSA and being in New Orleans last week!!)
My incision site looks "great" according to the oncologist!!
I will see the plastic surgeon on Thursday of this week, hoping to get the same report~
And, I think that is all for today's activities. It was an uneventful time of chemo... and I won't have to be there very long at all for the Herceptin (30-45 minutes every 3 weeks!!)
Now, to report on last week:
I WAS able to go to New Orleans with the Youth. I went and came back with everyone else, and didn't have to 'quit' early.
I learned early in the week that I HAD to take it easy/rest during the work day~ So, after we had Day Camp each day (and ate lunch) I was 'grounded' ~ I was 'allowed' to lay down in an out of the way place, put my swollen ankles up and rest for the remainder of the work day.
I also didn't go to the French Quarters on "free day" WEdnesday evening. I stayed at the church where we were staying and slept ~ and that is what got me thru the rest of the week!!
Overall, I was pleased with how much stuff I WAS able to do. I kept the gatorade coolers filled, and made it through Summer Day Camp each day.
It was hard to remember that I wasn't really able to 'do" more than that.... no power tools, or hauling trash to the dumpster, or helping demolish anything (except one tiny thing)......
God has truly kept His hand on me. There really is no reason I should have made it last week in the heat and the schedule alone. However, I did, and I did fine. I was no more tired than I have been on previous trips. I didn't only make it, I accomplished a little while I was there. Nothing that can be seen. I can't take you and show you....but I did do things!! I had decided that it was alright just to be there even if I didn't get to contribute.... but God went the extra mile... and I WAS able to contribute a little bit!!! I got misty several times being overwhelmed with just being with the group!!!
Thank you for your prayers!! I am dreading the rest of the week with this last chemo... I want it just to be easy and quick. We'll see!!!
So, in honor of this being my LAST CHEMO... I want to invite you to celebrate with me!! Have an ice cream, or piece of cake (or both), or buy yourself a little treat you've been considering.... Do something to LIVE a little.... out of the ordinary!!! Life is too short to deprive yourself!!!!
Love you all...
Until next time.....
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
MRSA, week two
Just thought I'd give a quick update on how things are going.
As you probably know, I was diagnosed last week with MRSA. At that time I was prescribed an antibiotic that I've been on and will finish at the 2 week mark.
I was told I should be able to tell a difference within a few days, and I did!!
I have been able to tolerate the antibiotics well. My stomach has not had any issues, and for that I am very thankful!!
I have had a dry incision for over a week, and the other leakage (at the drain tube site) has also stopped completely. There has been no more fluid collection in this area....
So, all signs point to being on the right track!!!!!
I am feeling much better as the days go by and have felt more like myself this week than I have in a really long time. (Which makes me think I've been fighting this infection for a while!!)
I AM going to get to go on the Youth Mission trip. We will leave this weekend... and, I am so excited!!! I am gathering stuff to do Summer Day Camp while we are there for the children in the neighborhood. So, I am excited to actually be 'doing' something after all this time!!!
I am so very thankful to have found this MRSA diagnosis, as it gives us answers to many questions that we've had for a while (3-4 months!!).
Could you please pray with me these things?
~Safety in travel for our trip to New Orleans
~Healthy people while there. It is quite hot/humid and we will be right in it all day.
~My stamina/health while we are gone.
Thanks everyone for your prayers!! I am doing really good right now!! Praying that will be the case from here on out!!!
Until next time.......
As you probably know, I was diagnosed last week with MRSA. At that time I was prescribed an antibiotic that I've been on and will finish at the 2 week mark.
I was told I should be able to tell a difference within a few days, and I did!!
I have been able to tolerate the antibiotics well. My stomach has not had any issues, and for that I am very thankful!!
I have had a dry incision for over a week, and the other leakage (at the drain tube site) has also stopped completely. There has been no more fluid collection in this area....
So, all signs point to being on the right track!!!!!
I am feeling much better as the days go by and have felt more like myself this week than I have in a really long time. (Which makes me think I've been fighting this infection for a while!!)
I AM going to get to go on the Youth Mission trip. We will leave this weekend... and, I am so excited!!! I am gathering stuff to do Summer Day Camp while we are there for the children in the neighborhood. So, I am excited to actually be 'doing' something after all this time!!!
I am so very thankful to have found this MRSA diagnosis, as it gives us answers to many questions that we've had for a while (3-4 months!!).
Could you please pray with me these things?
~Safety in travel for our trip to New Orleans
~Healthy people while there. It is quite hot/humid and we will be right in it all day.
~My stamina/health while we are gone.
Thanks everyone for your prayers!! I am doing really good right now!! Praying that will be the case from here on out!!!
Until next time.......
Monday, June 14, 2010
Just kidding....
About what you may ask? I really did NOT have my last chemo today!! That is a good thing! Why you ask? Because I GOT SOME ANSWERS TODAY!!!!
As you may recall, there was fluid retention on the left side last week and the fluid drawn from the area was sent to the lab for diagnosis. The Plastic Surgeon's office called just as I was walking into the oncologist office this morning. The results showed that I have MRSA. Generally this would not be such encouraging words, however, I am elated!!
This gives answers to several questions!! The fluid retention since the time of the expander removal, has for sure been caused by this infection!! YAY!!! Finally, and answer to 'why'!!!!!! This also COULD explain many of the weeks of fluid issues over time before the expander was removed, as well. There is no way to know for sure, because none of that fluid was actually sent to the lab. BUT, it makes a LOT of sense!! (I won't bore you with all the details.)
Along with the report from the lab with the diagnosis; it gave a 'sensitivity list' which is what shows exactly what medications my particular strand will respond to! So; I am on a 2 week regimen of antibiotics that is known to take care of me!! (Orally!! They talked about doing a 2 week IV regimen, and thank the Lord, this pill is just as effective!!)
Obviously, the chemo and the infection were not a safe mix; so the oncologist has decided to put it off for 3 weeks. She assured me that it would not hinder the effectiveness of the 6 treatments with this one being later.
This has been a great day!!!! No,having MRSA is not a great thing. No, having to put off my chemo is not a great thing.
BUT... I have AN ANSWER!!!!!! THAT is a GREAT thing!!!! We now know what is wrong, and we can MOVE FORWARD!! This is the first time in a LONG time that I have felt like we were moving forward..... so, this has been a GREAT day......
Here is also why this was such a great day.....
I have probably mentioned that I have been so torn up about the fact that perhaps I would not be able to participate in either the YOuth mission trip to New Orleans or the Centrifuge trip. That has just absolutely TORN ME UP.
NOT that I feel I am an invaluable resource, BUT.... seeing kids work their hiney's off; and know WHY they are.... then, to see them get off the bus looking for God to move.... THAT is why I have been so torn up!! It is the most precious thing in the world!!! And, I could not stand the thoughts of missing it.
So, because of this infection and not having chemo, I have been CLEARED to go on the New Orleans trip if I want to. As long as this medication can be tolerated; it should take care of the infection. So... that is HUGE answer to prayer.
Also, my next (and last) chemo will now be July 6 (just after we return from New Orleans) ~ good timing, huh?
The week after chemo (july 12) is Centrifuge. I am wondering if at that point, the last treatment will not be as hard to get over since I"ve had a 'break'...AND, I won't be fighting an infection!!!!! So; hmmm.... God orchestrated a break to give my body some time to heal. Again.... good timing, huh??
So, the very thing that I thought God was allowing to happen that would keep from these precious events are the very thing that He has used to orchestrate my being able to participate!!!!
In my post early this morning; I spoke of the range of emotions I have experienced. I also talked about God's timing vs. my timing. Guess He showed me, huh??
This day has been a great day!!!!
Thank you all for your prayers today!! I really was concerned that I would come home yet again with no answers..... God showed off!!
I am now praying that I will be able to tolerate this medication and that it will do it's job!!
Until next time..... Dare to live like you know Him!!!!
As you may recall, there was fluid retention on the left side last week and the fluid drawn from the area was sent to the lab for diagnosis. The Plastic Surgeon's office called just as I was walking into the oncologist office this morning. The results showed that I have MRSA. Generally this would not be such encouraging words, however, I am elated!!
This gives answers to several questions!! The fluid retention since the time of the expander removal, has for sure been caused by this infection!! YAY!!! Finally, and answer to 'why'!!!!!! This also COULD explain many of the weeks of fluid issues over time before the expander was removed, as well. There is no way to know for sure, because none of that fluid was actually sent to the lab. BUT, it makes a LOT of sense!! (I won't bore you with all the details.)
Along with the report from the lab with the diagnosis; it gave a 'sensitivity list' which is what shows exactly what medications my particular strand will respond to! So; I am on a 2 week regimen of antibiotics that is known to take care of me!! (Orally!! They talked about doing a 2 week IV regimen, and thank the Lord, this pill is just as effective!!)
Obviously, the chemo and the infection were not a safe mix; so the oncologist has decided to put it off for 3 weeks. She assured me that it would not hinder the effectiveness of the 6 treatments with this one being later.
This has been a great day!!!! No,having MRSA is not a great thing. No, having to put off my chemo is not a great thing.
BUT... I have AN ANSWER!!!!!! THAT is a GREAT thing!!!! We now know what is wrong, and we can MOVE FORWARD!! This is the first time in a LONG time that I have felt like we were moving forward..... so, this has been a GREAT day......
Here is also why this was such a great day.....
I have probably mentioned that I have been so torn up about the fact that perhaps I would not be able to participate in either the YOuth mission trip to New Orleans or the Centrifuge trip. That has just absolutely TORN ME UP.
NOT that I feel I am an invaluable resource, BUT.... seeing kids work their hiney's off; and know WHY they are.... then, to see them get off the bus looking for God to move.... THAT is why I have been so torn up!! It is the most precious thing in the world!!! And, I could not stand the thoughts of missing it.
So, because of this infection and not having chemo, I have been CLEARED to go on the New Orleans trip if I want to. As long as this medication can be tolerated; it should take care of the infection. So... that is HUGE answer to prayer.
Also, my next (and last) chemo will now be July 6 (just after we return from New Orleans) ~ good timing, huh?
The week after chemo (july 12) is Centrifuge. I am wondering if at that point, the last treatment will not be as hard to get over since I"ve had a 'break'...AND, I won't be fighting an infection!!!!! So; hmmm.... God orchestrated a break to give my body some time to heal. Again.... good timing, huh??
So, the very thing that I thought God was allowing to happen that would keep from these precious events are the very thing that He has used to orchestrate my being able to participate!!!!
In my post early this morning; I spoke of the range of emotions I have experienced. I also talked about God's timing vs. my timing. Guess He showed me, huh??
This day has been a great day!!!!
Thank you all for your prayers today!! I really was concerned that I would come home yet again with no answers..... God showed off!!
I am now praying that I will be able to tolerate this medication and that it will do it's job!!
Until next time..... Dare to live like you know Him!!!!
LAST CHEMO!!!!! WOOO HOOO........
Hey Everyone!!
Today is THE day!! In just a few hours I will report for my LAST, yes I did say LAST chemo treatment!! YIPEE!!!!!!! I have wondered at times if this day would EVER come. It has!! One more day is His-story, I am counting on!!
Please let me clarify the treatment from here.
I will continue to take a drug at the chemo center that is called Herceptin. It is an antibody that teaches my body to fight the protein my cancer fed off of. I will do it the total of a year, and the beginning of March will mark that timeline. It is a non-toxic drug and has no side effects, if I understand correctly. Even if it does have them, they aren't nearly as bad as chemo!! :0)
I will also have at least 2 more surgeries and many more appointments with the plastic surgeon. One surgery to replace the tissue expander that had to be removed. The many appointments will be to fill the expanders. The 2nd surgery will be to replace the temporary implants with the permanent ones. These surgeries will depend on several factors.
The first surgery has to wait until the fluid production issue has 'settled down' some. (Yes. I am STILL producing fluid in the left side; and the incision area has not stopped leaking. In addition, I have sprung a new leak at the site where the drain tube was. This has just happened in the last couple of days. Neither place has slowed down any, and actually has gotten worse. I have an appointment this afternoon with the Plastic Surgeon. HOPEFULLY, we can get some answers then.)
Hopefully, this last treatment will mean the worst is behind me. The chemo causes my body to heal more slowly, therefore, I am in the boat I am in! (Sometimes I think I am going to need a boat if I keep leaking/producing fluid!!)
I have several big questions for both the Oncologist and the Plastic surgeon today.
~THoughts on going for part of the week for our Youth Mission trip coming up.
~Can we PLEASE find out WHY (with nothing to aggravate) I keep producing/collecting/leaking fluid. (So far, there has been no apparent cause, nor has she been able to see anything that would cause this)
~Can we go ahead and schedule surgery (even if we have to postpone, could we just get it on the schedule?)
~What did lab results show?
I am praying for BIG answers!! (They are big questions... to me, at least!!)
I have become more and more discouraged the week as this fluid issue does not seem to resolve itself. I have tried being still, doesn't help. Tried being more active; doesn't help. I have also been really sore; which hasn't happened in this area is quite some time!! That is a little worrisome. For once, I am praying the cause of all this trouble has been an infection. That would at least be a reason, and hopefully, a solution!! I'll hopefully find out later today.
As you know I've asked you to pray for several weeks (months?) for this fluid issue to be resolved 'immediately and permanently" and I've prayed the same thing. Seems that our Father is being completely silent on this, and that is discouraging. It can be very discouraging.... He knows my heart; He KNOWS my heart is with teenagers.... especially in the summer time!! He knows I have tried to be still... both physically and before Him. (Didn't say I'd done a good job; or that I've been still enough!!) He knows that I have done what the doctors have said. He knows I've been patient, for the most part (Who is patient 24/7? I'd like to meet them!! Apparently, I need some lessons!!!) He knows these things, yet remains silent.
This can be confusing and frustrating!! There are many verses that tell us to cry out to Him. Bring our requests before Him with boldness (confidence). Ask in His name. He will give us the desires of our heart. I could go on.
~There are those who would try to convince me that my faith is not strong enough. I don't believe that.
~There are those who would try to tell me I'm not aligned with God's will for my life. Not sure I would buy that, either. (NOT that I am perfectly aligned (no one is)... and not that I'm perfect. But, right now, in this situation, I have tried and believe I have aligned myself with my Father.) ~There are those who would say that my issues are small, I shouldn't bother God with them. Don't buy that. He loves me and cares about the smallest detail in my life! He knows how many hairs on my head (which right now ins't a real big number!! haahaa)
So, why the silence? That is the confusing/frustrating part!! I realize that by praying the right way, or saying the right things, or even having a heart after His own heart, is in no way obligating Him to answer me in my timing. I am getting a huge lesson in "His ways are not my ways, and His timing is not mine!!"..... simple as that.
Don't get me wrong. I have seen Him work in MIGHTY ways.... He has protected my body in ways I will not know this side of Heaven. I have gotten a glimpse of what some people have endured on the same chemo regimen I am on. I have had it EASY compared to lots of people. My blood counts have stayed good (relatively, compared to what they could have done). I have had NO serious complications due to chemo. I have been able to have each treatment on time and endured them fairly well. Up until last week, there has been NO infection with this fluid issue. (even with a compromised immune system) I have not had to isolate myself due to low blood counts!! (THank the LORD... I LOVE PEOPLE). There was no cancer found in any of the lymph nodes at the time of surgery!! There is NO cancer in my body at this time!! I have a great support system in my little family. They have taken such good care of me, and at the same time been as 'normal" as possible!! (however normal that is with the MIllers) I am able to care for myself, even during chemo week (Chris doesn't let me much, but if I have to, I can!!) I have SOOOO much to be thankful for, and I am so very thankful. But, the specific thing I request.... silence. Hmmmm.... that is about all I can say!!
I heard a very hard sermon on PATIENCE last night.... NOOOOO NOT THE "P" WORD!!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!!! I HAVE been patient. I haven't complained. (except a little here and there... but really, I haven't) I have tried to be very careful to remember that God has already gone before me and KNOWS I"m gonna be alright; or the outcome of this stupid fluid thing. And, I do believe that with all my heart!! I know that He is capable of doing what ever HE wants to. I never asked him to take this cancer away so I wouldn't have to endure this, but told HIm it would be alright if HE wanted to, I knew He could. When He didn't, I still trusted Him. I've NEVER stopped trusting that He has this COMPLETELY under control. But just when I am out of the "P" word.... He hits me with it? So, now He decides to speak? If you think God doesn't have a sense of humor... here is your proof!! Haa haa.... Enough about that.
Just before hearing this sermon.... I seemed to be prompted to make a list of emotions I've experienced in the last 7 months since this journey began. I was a little surprised at the extent of the list. I'll try to re-create it for you:
fear; doubt; joy; thankfulness; frustration; pain (emotional); lonliness; overwhelmed; humility; anger; denial; insecurity; disappointment; guilt I'm sure there are more, but I can't think of them right now.
I could explain situations for each of these on the list, but I would not dare bore you with that!!
You may now ask this question.... "Does a Believer in Jesus REALLY experience this range of emotions and still say they are a Believer?" My answer to that is ABSOLUTELY!!!! THere are people all throughout the Bible that experienced these same things!!! A few that come to mind are: Moses; David; Job; The disciples; Paul; Jesus Esther; and the list could go on and on. The Scriptures are full of them!!
So, my question is this: Why, in todays American Christian society, do we convince ourselves that we aren't 'right' if we experience any of these 'negative' emotions? And, for Heaven's sake, why do we teach others this? It is simply stupid!! We have convinced ourselves that we must NEVER question or feel negative emotions. NOT TRUE... we are HUMAN!! Where does the Bible teach that all Christians are to be emotionless people? IT DOES NOT!!! We have lost our ability to express emotions, therefore, we have lost our PASSION.
Now, let me clarify. I listed a whole range of emotions. SOme positive, some negative. I do NOT believe that we need to camp out with negative emotions!! This can cause some real problems. If you look thru the scriptures, these folks experienced some of these negative emotions, however, they didn't LIVE there!!! There are also examples of those who did decide to live there. (Of course, none of those names are coming to mind...) I can tell you that I'm about 99.99% positive that those who decided to live in these negative emotions were NOT used in a mighty way by God!! So it is a conscious choice we MUST make!! Wallow in our self pity; or get up; brush ourself off and go on. (and I believe this is a focus issue. When we take the focus from us and our circumstances, and place it on the One and only Jesus Christ, it is hard to have such long term negative emotions!!)
Having said this, I will now say: I think we are ALL passionate about something. Some of us are passionate about our job; our kids; our toys; our social life and the list goes on. Some are even passionate about wallowing in these negative emotions!! What gets me is the fact that our churches are FILLED with people like this. These people CLAIM to love Jesus and claim Him as their Savior, but live in defeat instead of victory. There is a book that I will read soon, hopefully, entitled, "Christian Atheist"..... let that name sink in...... Our churches are FILLED with "Christians" who claim to know Christ but live as he doesn't exist. IS THAT YOU???
When you say you believe Jesus is your savior, do you live it? Do you take Him at His Word? Start small. He will prove Himself!! Start right now!! He is right there!! What is one thing you want to believe Him for? Do you really believe He wants what is best for you? HE DOES!! Do you really believe he doesn't understand what your suffering is like? Read about his crucifixion.
When I began this post, I talked about I felt God was being silent, and I still do. Please do not misunderstand what I am saying. Silent does NOT mean ABSENT. I KNOW that my Jesus is with me. I know that the Comforter is interceding on my behalf. I know that my Father IS the Great Physician and all He has to do is say the word, and I'm healed... just like that!! I just know that there is not movement in the specific situation that is the biggest to me at this point. THis does NOT mean He isn't working. I AM believing HIM. I am TRUSTING Him. I am holding on to scriptures that He brings to mind. He IS "I AM".... He is the way, the truth and the light. He IS at work around me and in me. There is NO doubt about and there never has been. (The doubt I listed above had nothing to do with doubting who He is!!)
So, that was a lot to post. Didn't mean for it to be so long, but I think it has been important. My prayer for you this day is that no matter your circumstances; you will live like you KNOW Him. If you don't know Him, you can't live like you do!! So, settle first things first. If you don't know Him and want to, send me a message. We'll get that settled!! (ckmiller5@gmail.com)
If you CLAIM to know Him, then Live like you do!!! Find those promises. Talk to Him. TRUST him. Let HIM be God and you be the child. Let HIM be in control of those finances; jobs; family situations; diseases. Doesn't mean you can't have those emotions I talked about. It DOES mean that no matter what, when the rubber meets the road, you TRUST him and let HIM be in control!!!!
I dare you.......
And, I want to hear!! What are you trusting HIm with today? How has this challenged you? Is this you I'm talking about? Are you the one living like you don't know HIm? How has he shown himself mighty in your life? What do you struggle with? Are you living in a sea of negative emotions?
Today is THE day!! In just a few hours I will report for my LAST, yes I did say LAST chemo treatment!! YIPEE!!!!!!! I have wondered at times if this day would EVER come. It has!! One more day is His-story, I am counting on!!
Please let me clarify the treatment from here.
I will continue to take a drug at the chemo center that is called Herceptin. It is an antibody that teaches my body to fight the protein my cancer fed off of. I will do it the total of a year, and the beginning of March will mark that timeline. It is a non-toxic drug and has no side effects, if I understand correctly. Even if it does have them, they aren't nearly as bad as chemo!! :0)
I will also have at least 2 more surgeries and many more appointments with the plastic surgeon. One surgery to replace the tissue expander that had to be removed. The many appointments will be to fill the expanders. The 2nd surgery will be to replace the temporary implants with the permanent ones. These surgeries will depend on several factors.
The first surgery has to wait until the fluid production issue has 'settled down' some. (Yes. I am STILL producing fluid in the left side; and the incision area has not stopped leaking. In addition, I have sprung a new leak at the site where the drain tube was. This has just happened in the last couple of days. Neither place has slowed down any, and actually has gotten worse. I have an appointment this afternoon with the Plastic Surgeon. HOPEFULLY, we can get some answers then.)
Hopefully, this last treatment will mean the worst is behind me. The chemo causes my body to heal more slowly, therefore, I am in the boat I am in! (Sometimes I think I am going to need a boat if I keep leaking/producing fluid!!)
I have several big questions for both the Oncologist and the Plastic surgeon today.
~THoughts on going for part of the week for our Youth Mission trip coming up.
~Can we PLEASE find out WHY (with nothing to aggravate) I keep producing/collecting/leaking fluid. (So far, there has been no apparent cause, nor has she been able to see anything that would cause this)
~Can we go ahead and schedule surgery (even if we have to postpone, could we just get it on the schedule?)
~What did lab results show?
I am praying for BIG answers!! (They are big questions... to me, at least!!)
I have become more and more discouraged the week as this fluid issue does not seem to resolve itself. I have tried being still, doesn't help. Tried being more active; doesn't help. I have also been really sore; which hasn't happened in this area is quite some time!! That is a little worrisome. For once, I am praying the cause of all this trouble has been an infection. That would at least be a reason, and hopefully, a solution!! I'll hopefully find out later today.
As you know I've asked you to pray for several weeks (months?) for this fluid issue to be resolved 'immediately and permanently" and I've prayed the same thing. Seems that our Father is being completely silent on this, and that is discouraging. It can be very discouraging.... He knows my heart; He KNOWS my heart is with teenagers.... especially in the summer time!! He knows I have tried to be still... both physically and before Him. (Didn't say I'd done a good job; or that I've been still enough!!) He knows that I have done what the doctors have said. He knows I've been patient, for the most part (Who is patient 24/7? I'd like to meet them!! Apparently, I need some lessons!!!) He knows these things, yet remains silent.
This can be confusing and frustrating!! There are many verses that tell us to cry out to Him. Bring our requests before Him with boldness (confidence). Ask in His name. He will give us the desires of our heart. I could go on.
~There are those who would try to convince me that my faith is not strong enough. I don't believe that.
~There are those who would try to tell me I'm not aligned with God's will for my life. Not sure I would buy that, either. (NOT that I am perfectly aligned (no one is)... and not that I'm perfect. But, right now, in this situation, I have tried and believe I have aligned myself with my Father.) ~There are those who would say that my issues are small, I shouldn't bother God with them. Don't buy that. He loves me and cares about the smallest detail in my life! He knows how many hairs on my head (which right now ins't a real big number!! haahaa)
So, why the silence? That is the confusing/frustrating part!! I realize that by praying the right way, or saying the right things, or even having a heart after His own heart, is in no way obligating Him to answer me in my timing. I am getting a huge lesson in "His ways are not my ways, and His timing is not mine!!"..... simple as that.
Don't get me wrong. I have seen Him work in MIGHTY ways.... He has protected my body in ways I will not know this side of Heaven. I have gotten a glimpse of what some people have endured on the same chemo regimen I am on. I have had it EASY compared to lots of people. My blood counts have stayed good (relatively, compared to what they could have done). I have had NO serious complications due to chemo. I have been able to have each treatment on time and endured them fairly well. Up until last week, there has been NO infection with this fluid issue. (even with a compromised immune system) I have not had to isolate myself due to low blood counts!! (THank the LORD... I LOVE PEOPLE). There was no cancer found in any of the lymph nodes at the time of surgery!! There is NO cancer in my body at this time!! I have a great support system in my little family. They have taken such good care of me, and at the same time been as 'normal" as possible!! (however normal that is with the MIllers) I am able to care for myself, even during chemo week (Chris doesn't let me much, but if I have to, I can!!) I have SOOOO much to be thankful for, and I am so very thankful. But, the specific thing I request.... silence. Hmmmm.... that is about all I can say!!
I heard a very hard sermon on PATIENCE last night.... NOOOOO NOT THE "P" WORD!!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!!! I HAVE been patient. I haven't complained. (except a little here and there... but really, I haven't) I have tried to be very careful to remember that God has already gone before me and KNOWS I"m gonna be alright; or the outcome of this stupid fluid thing. And, I do believe that with all my heart!! I know that He is capable of doing what ever HE wants to. I never asked him to take this cancer away so I wouldn't have to endure this, but told HIm it would be alright if HE wanted to, I knew He could. When He didn't, I still trusted Him. I've NEVER stopped trusting that He has this COMPLETELY under control. But just when I am out of the "P" word.... He hits me with it? So, now He decides to speak? If you think God doesn't have a sense of humor... here is your proof!! Haa haa.... Enough about that.
Just before hearing this sermon.... I seemed to be prompted to make a list of emotions I've experienced in the last 7 months since this journey began. I was a little surprised at the extent of the list. I'll try to re-create it for you:
fear; doubt; joy; thankfulness; frustration; pain (emotional); lonliness; overwhelmed; humility; anger; denial; insecurity; disappointment; guilt I'm sure there are more, but I can't think of them right now.
I could explain situations for each of these on the list, but I would not dare bore you with that!!
You may now ask this question.... "Does a Believer in Jesus REALLY experience this range of emotions and still say they are a Believer?" My answer to that is ABSOLUTELY!!!! THere are people all throughout the Bible that experienced these same things!!! A few that come to mind are: Moses; David; Job; The disciples; Paul; Jesus Esther; and the list could go on and on. The Scriptures are full of them!!
So, my question is this: Why, in todays American Christian society, do we convince ourselves that we aren't 'right' if we experience any of these 'negative' emotions? And, for Heaven's sake, why do we teach others this? It is simply stupid!! We have convinced ourselves that we must NEVER question or feel negative emotions. NOT TRUE... we are HUMAN!! Where does the Bible teach that all Christians are to be emotionless people? IT DOES NOT!!! We have lost our ability to express emotions, therefore, we have lost our PASSION.
Now, let me clarify. I listed a whole range of emotions. SOme positive, some negative. I do NOT believe that we need to camp out with negative emotions!! This can cause some real problems. If you look thru the scriptures, these folks experienced some of these negative emotions, however, they didn't LIVE there!!! There are also examples of those who did decide to live there. (Of course, none of those names are coming to mind...) I can tell you that I'm about 99.99% positive that those who decided to live in these negative emotions were NOT used in a mighty way by God!! So it is a conscious choice we MUST make!! Wallow in our self pity; or get up; brush ourself off and go on. (and I believe this is a focus issue. When we take the focus from us and our circumstances, and place it on the One and only Jesus Christ, it is hard to have such long term negative emotions!!)
Having said this, I will now say: I think we are ALL passionate about something. Some of us are passionate about our job; our kids; our toys; our social life and the list goes on. Some are even passionate about wallowing in these negative emotions!! What gets me is the fact that our churches are FILLED with people like this. These people CLAIM to love Jesus and claim Him as their Savior, but live in defeat instead of victory. There is a book that I will read soon, hopefully, entitled, "Christian Atheist"..... let that name sink in...... Our churches are FILLED with "Christians" who claim to know Christ but live as he doesn't exist. IS THAT YOU???
When you say you believe Jesus is your savior, do you live it? Do you take Him at His Word? Start small. He will prove Himself!! Start right now!! He is right there!! What is one thing you want to believe Him for? Do you really believe He wants what is best for you? HE DOES!! Do you really believe he doesn't understand what your suffering is like? Read about his crucifixion.
When I began this post, I talked about I felt God was being silent, and I still do. Please do not misunderstand what I am saying. Silent does NOT mean ABSENT. I KNOW that my Jesus is with me. I know that the Comforter is interceding on my behalf. I know that my Father IS the Great Physician and all He has to do is say the word, and I'm healed... just like that!! I just know that there is not movement in the specific situation that is the biggest to me at this point. THis does NOT mean He isn't working. I AM believing HIM. I am TRUSTING Him. I am holding on to scriptures that He brings to mind. He IS "I AM".... He is the way, the truth and the light. He IS at work around me and in me. There is NO doubt about and there never has been. (The doubt I listed above had nothing to do with doubting who He is!!)
So, that was a lot to post. Didn't mean for it to be so long, but I think it has been important. My prayer for you this day is that no matter your circumstances; you will live like you KNOW Him. If you don't know Him, you can't live like you do!! So, settle first things first. If you don't know Him and want to, send me a message. We'll get that settled!! (ckmiller5@gmail.com)
If you CLAIM to know Him, then Live like you do!!! Find those promises. Talk to Him. TRUST him. Let HIM be God and you be the child. Let HIM be in control of those finances; jobs; family situations; diseases. Doesn't mean you can't have those emotions I talked about. It DOES mean that no matter what, when the rubber meets the road, you TRUST him and let HIM be in control!!!!
I dare you.......
And, I want to hear!! What are you trusting HIm with today? How has this challenged you? Is this you I'm talking about? Are you the one living like you don't know HIm? How has he shown himself mighty in your life? What do you struggle with? Are you living in a sea of negative emotions?
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Summertime....
Hello all,
Just some thoughts about this particular summer.... First, let me tell you how my summer usually goes: Mission trip; Centrifuge; Family Vacation; gardening and just some heavy duty playing. Summertime usually is a busy, but very fun and refreshing time for me.
This year, summertime will be different!!
Physically, I don't think I will be strong enough to do the things I am used to doing. Still trying to decide what to do about the New Orleans trip; and know that Centrifuge (a Youth camp) will probably be out of the question. I know that physically, I must 'take care' of myself. But, what does that really mean? Does it mean sit out and miss the life that is going around me? Does it mean give in to a little tiredness? Does it mean if I feel like it GO? So much that is up in the air!!
Emotionally, it is very difficult for me to admit that I really probably will miss both trips this summer, along with gardening and the other things that we 'do' each year. We've been in Blairsville for 11 years.... and for 11 years I've gone on youth trips each summer. Even when the children were much smaller and it made sense to stay home, I went!!
This summer will also be different than any other because of this stupid battle with breast cancer. June 14, I will FINISH chemo!! (I will continue the drug Herceptin until March.) I also will (hopefully) have surgery the week of July 5. (THis will be to replace the tissue expander (implant) that had to be removed earlier). So, I have different things to tend to this year. Just not the things I'd LIKE to be tending to!!
On top of these things to ponder; I have begun collecting fluid on the same left side again. I have been drain tube free for 2 glorious weeks, and in just a few short days have begun to produce fluid again. Not sure what she (the dr.) will do about that, or how it will affect upcoming surgery. I have an appointment Monday, June 7. I'll know more then! I should also find out about surgery at this same appointment.
So.... I"m not quite sure what I am supposed to learn from all this. I have tried to be quiet; tried to listen; tried to do what I'm told. It seems that I have taken 2 steps forward and at least 3 steps back for quite some time!! And, basically, I am just ready for this to be OVER!!!!!
Please do not get me wrong. I have a lot to be thankful for, and I am thankful!! This battle could be a LOT worse, and I realize that. I have not been sick; I have a very good prognosis; I have a great support system; the end is in sight (well, with chemo anyway); and many other things. I am very thankful and remind myself constantly of other battles I hear about that are much worse than mine!! But it is still discouraging sometimes.... and this happens to be one of those times.
So, let me encourage you to LIVE LIFE!! If you have an opportunity to do something... DO IT. You just never know if you will have another chance or not!! We are not promised tomorrow! It is easy to get caught up in the routine of 'life' but are we really living when we do that? When is the last time you decided to meet up with friends and not mow the yard? Or, what if your kids ask you to play a game... are you too busy? What about a trip you've been wanting to take? What is stopping you? Is there someone you are angry with? Do you remember why? How about stopping for no reason and getting an ice cream? WHy not? Dessert first? OF COURSE!!!
LIVE YOUR LIFE this week. Take your head out of the routine and do something out of the ordinary that is fun!! Life is too short not to!!!!!
Until next time.......
Just some thoughts about this particular summer.... First, let me tell you how my summer usually goes: Mission trip; Centrifuge; Family Vacation; gardening and just some heavy duty playing. Summertime usually is a busy, but very fun and refreshing time for me.
This year, summertime will be different!!
Physically, I don't think I will be strong enough to do the things I am used to doing. Still trying to decide what to do about the New Orleans trip; and know that Centrifuge (a Youth camp) will probably be out of the question. I know that physically, I must 'take care' of myself. But, what does that really mean? Does it mean sit out and miss the life that is going around me? Does it mean give in to a little tiredness? Does it mean if I feel like it GO? So much that is up in the air!!
Emotionally, it is very difficult for me to admit that I really probably will miss both trips this summer, along with gardening and the other things that we 'do' each year. We've been in Blairsville for 11 years.... and for 11 years I've gone on youth trips each summer. Even when the children were much smaller and it made sense to stay home, I went!!
This summer will also be different than any other because of this stupid battle with breast cancer. June 14, I will FINISH chemo!! (I will continue the drug Herceptin until March.) I also will (hopefully) have surgery the week of July 5. (THis will be to replace the tissue expander (implant) that had to be removed earlier). So, I have different things to tend to this year. Just not the things I'd LIKE to be tending to!!
On top of these things to ponder; I have begun collecting fluid on the same left side again. I have been drain tube free for 2 glorious weeks, and in just a few short days have begun to produce fluid again. Not sure what she (the dr.) will do about that, or how it will affect upcoming surgery. I have an appointment Monday, June 7. I'll know more then! I should also find out about surgery at this same appointment.
So.... I"m not quite sure what I am supposed to learn from all this. I have tried to be quiet; tried to listen; tried to do what I'm told. It seems that I have taken 2 steps forward and at least 3 steps back for quite some time!! And, basically, I am just ready for this to be OVER!!!!!
Please do not get me wrong. I have a lot to be thankful for, and I am thankful!! This battle could be a LOT worse, and I realize that. I have not been sick; I have a very good prognosis; I have a great support system; the end is in sight (well, with chemo anyway); and many other things. I am very thankful and remind myself constantly of other battles I hear about that are much worse than mine!! But it is still discouraging sometimes.... and this happens to be one of those times.
So, let me encourage you to LIVE LIFE!! If you have an opportunity to do something... DO IT. You just never know if you will have another chance or not!! We are not promised tomorrow! It is easy to get caught up in the routine of 'life' but are we really living when we do that? When is the last time you decided to meet up with friends and not mow the yard? Or, what if your kids ask you to play a game... are you too busy? What about a trip you've been wanting to take? What is stopping you? Is there someone you are angry with? Do you remember why? How about stopping for no reason and getting an ice cream? WHy not? Dessert first? OF COURSE!!!
LIVE YOUR LIFE this week. Take your head out of the routine and do something out of the ordinary that is fun!! Life is too short not to!!!!!
Until next time.......
Monday, May 24, 2010
A Day of HISTORY....
Good evening everyone;
Just a quick update on the events of the day!!
Chemo #5 was today! That is significant because I now have ONLY ONE MORE.... so, Chemo #5 is HISTORY!!!! Yaayyyyy!!
I was talking to a friend at church yesterday telling her that I especially dreaded this round for some reason. Not sure why. Could be because the last one really got me... and they say it will get worse with each treatment. She said she is praying for me to be 'abnormal' (like I"m not already!!). She is praying for the treatments to become easier instead of harder on my body. She is praying for little to no side effects; and for speedy recovery.
Please join her!! There is a special event that I REALLLLYYYYY want to attend this weekend; and if this treatment is like the last one, I am so afraid I will miss it!!!!
Another exciting event today was that my drain tube also became HISTORY!!!! As you know, I've had leakage issues for a lot of the time since my surgery. I've had a drain tube for about a month. The fluid output has been very active; until the middle of last week, it began to slow down steadily. This morning before my dr. appointment, there was hardly any fluid output from over night. By the time I got to the doctor this afternoon, there wasn't hardly ANY fluid!!!! So; she removed the tube!! So; for the first time in a LONG while.... I am leak and tube FREEEEEE YAY!!!!!
My incision is healing well and the drain tube site seems to be doing well after the removal!!
Another exciting thing today is this: It seems that we are going to shoot for surgery the week of July 5. This will be to replace the tissue expander that had to be removed 3 weeks ago. AND (this is the exciting part)... she said there was no reason I couldn't go to the BEACH!!!!! YYYEEEE HAAAAAAA :)
As you can tell; things are doing/healing well. I go back in 2 weeks just for her to make sure there is no fluid building up, etc. After that, not real sure if I'll see her much before time for surgery.
Thank you, dear friends for your prayer support!! could not have made it this far without you!!
While we look at the word HISTORY as something that has happened in the past, and rightly so, we probably need to add a hyphen... HIS-STORY.... today has been a day of several HIS-STORIES.... Thank the LORD he is writing His story in my life!!!!
What story is HE writing in yours??? If he isn't; or you can't really tell, ask HIm!!
Until next time......
Just a quick update on the events of the day!!
Chemo #5 was today! That is significant because I now have ONLY ONE MORE.... so, Chemo #5 is HISTORY!!!! Yaayyyyy!!
I was talking to a friend at church yesterday telling her that I especially dreaded this round for some reason. Not sure why. Could be because the last one really got me... and they say it will get worse with each treatment. She said she is praying for me to be 'abnormal' (like I"m not already!!). She is praying for the treatments to become easier instead of harder on my body. She is praying for little to no side effects; and for speedy recovery.
Please join her!! There is a special event that I REALLLLYYYYY want to attend this weekend; and if this treatment is like the last one, I am so afraid I will miss it!!!!
Another exciting event today was that my drain tube also became HISTORY!!!! As you know, I've had leakage issues for a lot of the time since my surgery. I've had a drain tube for about a month. The fluid output has been very active; until the middle of last week, it began to slow down steadily. This morning before my dr. appointment, there was hardly any fluid output from over night. By the time I got to the doctor this afternoon, there wasn't hardly ANY fluid!!!! So; she removed the tube!! So; for the first time in a LONG while.... I am leak and tube FREEEEEE YAY!!!!!
My incision is healing well and the drain tube site seems to be doing well after the removal!!
Another exciting thing today is this: It seems that we are going to shoot for surgery the week of July 5. This will be to replace the tissue expander that had to be removed 3 weeks ago. AND (this is the exciting part)... she said there was no reason I couldn't go to the BEACH!!!!! YYYEEEE HAAAAAAA :)
As you can tell; things are doing/healing well. I go back in 2 weeks just for her to make sure there is no fluid building up, etc. After that, not real sure if I'll see her much before time for surgery.
Thank you, dear friends for your prayer support!! could not have made it this far without you!!
While we look at the word HISTORY as something that has happened in the past, and rightly so, we probably need to add a hyphen... HIS-STORY.... today has been a day of several HIS-STORIES.... Thank the LORD he is writing His story in my life!!!!
What story is HE writing in yours??? If he isn't; or you can't really tell, ask HIm!!
Until next time......
Monday, May 10, 2010
Update from DR Visit, and stuff
Good evening everyone,
Hope your MOnday was a good one.... well, as good as Mondays can be!!
I returned to school today and had a really good day. Got lots of hugs, smiles and encouragement!! I was, however, VERY tired; but I'll go to bed very early tonight. Apparently, I am going back again tomorrow!! :)
Being my first day back, I left early for an appointment with the Plastic Surgeon. It was a really good visit. I still have the drain tube; but it isn't hurting/bothersome as much today. It will remain 'in' until the amount of fluid drops considerably.
She did remove the stitches from my incision. She was very thorough and sees NO signs of infection and is not expecting to, just making sure. She feels like we did the right thing, and I"m sure I agree with her! (Or, will eventually).
The really 'exciting' thing is: I don't have to see her again for TWO weeks!! I think this is the first time since mid February that I've not been every single week!!! YAY!! I do not have to make a trip to Atlanta in the middle of such the busy week next week with graduation activities!!
THANK YOU ALL for the prayers, words of encouragement and just loving me!! I am overwhelmed with the number of people who are fighting alongside me.
Please continue to pray for healing and good progress. This fluid NEEDS to slow WAY down before I can remove this drain tube, and THEN I think I will feel MUCH better!!
I also ask you continue to pray for my energy level!! I am 'plum tuckered' after the long day I've had, and will probably go to bed in the next few minutes (Yes, it IS still daylight!! haa haa)
Until next time...... find someone to fight for. Even if you are fighting your own battle; you can fight alongside someone else in theirs. If you are at a place where you just cannot fight WITH/FOR someone; then let them fight WITH/FOR YOU!!!! That is perfectly alright (so I'm told!! haa haa).
Hope your MOnday was a good one.... well, as good as Mondays can be!!
I returned to school today and had a really good day. Got lots of hugs, smiles and encouragement!! I was, however, VERY tired; but I'll go to bed very early tonight. Apparently, I am going back again tomorrow!! :)
Being my first day back, I left early for an appointment with the Plastic Surgeon. It was a really good visit. I still have the drain tube; but it isn't hurting/bothersome as much today. It will remain 'in' until the amount of fluid drops considerably.
She did remove the stitches from my incision. She was very thorough and sees NO signs of infection and is not expecting to, just making sure. She feels like we did the right thing, and I"m sure I agree with her! (Or, will eventually).
The really 'exciting' thing is: I don't have to see her again for TWO weeks!! I think this is the first time since mid February that I've not been every single week!!! YAY!! I do not have to make a trip to Atlanta in the middle of such the busy week next week with graduation activities!!
THANK YOU ALL for the prayers, words of encouragement and just loving me!! I am overwhelmed with the number of people who are fighting alongside me.
Please continue to pray for healing and good progress. This fluid NEEDS to slow WAY down before I can remove this drain tube, and THEN I think I will feel MUCH better!!
I also ask you continue to pray for my energy level!! I am 'plum tuckered' after the long day I've had, and will probably go to bed in the next few minutes (Yes, it IS still daylight!! haa haa)
Until next time...... find someone to fight for. Even if you are fighting your own battle; you can fight alongside someone else in theirs. If you are at a place where you just cannot fight WITH/FOR someone; then let them fight WITH/FOR YOU!!!! That is perfectly alright (so I'm told!! haa haa).
Happy Mother's Day
Good evening, all. Wanted to take just a minute and blog just a bit. First, for all of you who are Mothers.... Happy MOther's Day to you. I hope it has been quite the special day for you! My family made it really nice for me!! I do not deserve such wonderful children!! WOW. God was showing off when He made them!!! Since my last post on the Warrior; this subject has overtaken my mind. I have always been fascinated with the passage in Ephesians 6 where Paul describes in detail for us the Armour of God. And, I thought I kind of had a grasp on it. I'm finding out, I do NOT!! The picture that has stayed with me from this passage is one of gory; bloody; hard; adrenaline rushing battle. Much like you would see in the movie "300" or at the end of the CS Lewis movie (cannot think of the name of it to save my life right now... chemo brain, haa haa). Those not fun for me to watch and are quite intense!! I'd rather watch something light and funny!! As I posted before, we are assured we are not in battle alone! We have many others fighting alongside us in many different ways. However, think about those battles.... (IN the movies).... it might seem like everyone is tied up in a battle of their own; or it might seem there is little communication; or it might even seem you are lost in the crowd. Rest assured; this is NOT the case!! These warriors are rolling up sleeves and fighting FOR YOU. That is the truest picture of intercession, I think. What happens though, when the battle plan changes? Retreat? Stop the fighting? Quit? Plan B? Maybe all of these!! What I am coming to realize is this: My WAR is still on. Several battles within the war have already been won (surgery; chemo; timing of things; protection; a healthy body to begin with, etc). At this point in my War, however, things have taken a different turn than expected. I wrote about this last time. SO~friends.... it is time for ME to regroup then communicate to my fellow warriors. Perhaps this is what God is teaching me.... we are still fighting the same War (stupid cancer/chemo) but the battle plan has not been written in stone, or it wasn't as simple as I first thought. So, here are the things that I battle.... If you care to join me in this 'newest' development of this adventure; there is a 'new plan ahead'..... ~The removal of my tissue expander has really thrown me for a loop. I now it is for the best in the long run; but I've just plain had a hard time with it. ~Chemo kicked my butt this time!! I'm SO not wanting to do 2 more treatments!! ~I know God IS in control and knows that these plans He has will not harm me (Jer. 29:11) BUT, I've still had a tough week. ~Many people ask, "How are you?" and I give Sunday School answers. "Fine" or "alright" seem to be the choice ones. Really..... I feel awful. I'm tired; I"m discouraged; I am feeling more defeated right now than I have in a very long time!! ~I still have a drain tube that has given me FITS this week. It has been sore and aggravated, and I am still producing a lot of fluid (remember, this was the problem to begin with!!). PLEASE PRAY FOR HEALING... IMMEDIATE; COMPLETE AND PERMANENT Healing in this area!!! ~I have to return to school tomorrow. I want to go back. But, I am kind of between a rock and hard place; and not sure I like those spots. ~I haven't been very transparent about my discouragement, and I apologize to you for that. (I promised I would, remember?) ~Did I mention that I have the most wonderful children in the world? Our oldest graduates in two weeks. Might be having a hard time with that.... ok, I AM. (Hee hee. I"m sure none of you understand that!!) Now. I dump all this out so that you have a better picture of the current battle (I say that because Wars are made of Battles). Currently; I feel that I'm being beat to a pulp and not so sure it is not my own fault!! Sorry. This wasn't the most encouraging/inspirational post to date. But, the purpose of this is to help you follow my progress, or lack of. Honesty is important (not that I've NOT been honest. I have. Just haven't been brutally so....) I will see the Plastic Surgeon again tomorrow. A little concerned about the visit due to the continued fluid output. Concerned about returning to school with a stupid drain tube. concerned about my energy/stamina levels over the next 2 weeks. Important events going on... Thank you, fellow warriors. I wish I had stronger words than, "Thank you'..... those two seem so feeble at this point. Until next time.....
Monday, May 3, 2010
Signs of a Warrior
I have often said I am at battle. A stronger word for that is war. I find myself feeling like that more and more. Webster defines warrior as: "One who is engaged aggressively or energetically in an activity, cause, or conflict. "
This so describes this season of my life!! Everywhere I turn, I feel I am literally fighting for something. Mostly health related, but other areas as well.
Those of us who are Bible readers see that there are great battles and wars contained within those pages from beginning to end. The world has never been without war!!
Personal warfare seems to be a little different than having an army to fight alongside you.... or is it really?
What makes a good warrior? What traits must be present? What is the character of an effective warrior? Is it an honor to be called warrior? Are you a good warrior? Am I?
I do not have the answers to all those questions, but I will tell you what I've learned. Then, I will give you a brief update from my appointments today!
A while back I was listening to a bible study on this subject. I'd always heard about 'personal battles' but this kind of put it in a different light.
Did you ever realize that:
~ A warrior must exhibit courage. Courage seems to be the lack of fear to some, but really it is acting in spite of our fear. (Just think how scary it would be to enter into battle during Biblical times!!!)
~ A warrior in Bible times would bring back the shield used to present to the king. This shield was most likely a big piece of wood, much like a modern day door. It was used to collect and shield the soldier/warrior from the firey darts aimed at his body. So, the ones who would present the king with a scarred shield showed they were really involved in the battle. The ones who presented these scarred shield were held in higher esteem than those who had no scarring on their shield! It really was looked at with shame to present the king with an unscathed shield. Let that one sink in!!
~ Much like a warrior of Biblical times, we also enter into battle upon occasion. Our battle looks much different, however, the principal is still the same! We have a shield. Ephesians 6 outlines the Armor of God; and part of that is the Shield of Faith. Which means when we ARE in battle, this shield will bear the brunt of the firey darts the Enemy fires our way. Also, just as the soldiers of old, we must present our shield to the King. What if we have an 'empty' shield to present. What does that tell Him about our faith? Were we actually engaged in this battle, or did we hide?
From another recent sermon I heard, I learned that (well, I was reminded) life is risky! Because of the sin of Adam and Eve; just living has turned out to be risky. In this sermon, the point was that we have become a bunch of pansy Christians that avoid risk at all cost. But, we were NOT CALLED to do this. This is why we have so many unhappy Christians in the world. Those people we read about in the Bible risked it all to follow our Savior, and we risk close to nothing. Everything worth doing involves risk of some kind. So, when we risk nothing, we collect no firey darts, therefore have an empty shield to present to our King. What a shame!!
In my particular case, I must decide if I am willing to risk stepping out on a limb and trusting (excercizing my faith) and collecting the firey darts that seem to be in rapid fire headed toward me!! OR, do I risk nothing and run from the opportunity to grow in my walk with Him? Collect the darts, or run from them! That is the choice we have each day!!
There is another verse that I've been reminded of and it says: Galatians 6:2
Being a follower of Christ doesn't just mean having your own spiritual burden lifted from your shoulders by Christ. It means actively seeking out those who need help, and shouldering their burdens with them. Service to others is a critical part of the Christian faith. (NIV)
This so describes this season of my life!! Everywhere I turn, I feel I am literally fighting for something. Mostly health related, but other areas as well.
Those of us who are Bible readers see that there are great battles and wars contained within those pages from beginning to end. The world has never been without war!!
Personal warfare seems to be a little different than having an army to fight alongside you.... or is it really?
What makes a good warrior? What traits must be present? What is the character of an effective warrior? Is it an honor to be called warrior? Are you a good warrior? Am I?
I do not have the answers to all those questions, but I will tell you what I've learned. Then, I will give you a brief update from my appointments today!
A while back I was listening to a bible study on this subject. I'd always heard about 'personal battles' but this kind of put it in a different light.
Did you ever realize that:
~ A warrior must exhibit courage. Courage seems to be the lack of fear to some, but really it is acting in spite of our fear. (Just think how scary it would be to enter into battle during Biblical times!!!)
~ A warrior in Bible times would bring back the shield used to present to the king. This shield was most likely a big piece of wood, much like a modern day door. It was used to collect and shield the soldier/warrior from the firey darts aimed at his body. So, the ones who would present the king with a scarred shield showed they were really involved in the battle. The ones who presented these scarred shield were held in higher esteem than those who had no scarring on their shield! It really was looked at with shame to present the king with an unscathed shield. Let that one sink in!!
~ Much like a warrior of Biblical times, we also enter into battle upon occasion. Our battle looks much different, however, the principal is still the same! We have a shield. Ephesians 6 outlines the Armor of God; and part of that is the Shield of Faith. Which means when we ARE in battle, this shield will bear the brunt of the firey darts the Enemy fires our way. Also, just as the soldiers of old, we must present our shield to the King. What if we have an 'empty' shield to present. What does that tell Him about our faith? Were we actually engaged in this battle, or did we hide?
From another recent sermon I heard, I learned that (well, I was reminded) life is risky! Because of the sin of Adam and Eve; just living has turned out to be risky. In this sermon, the point was that we have become a bunch of pansy Christians that avoid risk at all cost. But, we were NOT CALLED to do this. This is why we have so many unhappy Christians in the world. Those people we read about in the Bible risked it all to follow our Savior, and we risk close to nothing. Everything worth doing involves risk of some kind. So, when we risk nothing, we collect no firey darts, therefore have an empty shield to present to our King. What a shame!!
In my particular case, I must decide if I am willing to risk stepping out on a limb and trusting (excercizing my faith) and collecting the firey darts that seem to be in rapid fire headed toward me!! OR, do I risk nothing and run from the opportunity to grow in my walk with Him? Collect the darts, or run from them! That is the choice we have each day!!
There is another verse that I've been reminded of and it says: Galatians 6:2
Being a follower of Christ doesn't just mean having your own spiritual burden lifted from your shoulders by Christ. It means actively seeking out those who need help, and shouldering their burdens with them. Service to others is a critical part of the Christian faith. (NIV)
This is huge!! In warrior language: This means that I am NOT in battle alone, and neither are you!! WOW!!! This service comes in many different forms. It could be bringing a meal (which so many have done); it could be carting me to and from appointments (which many have braved); it could be kind words of encouragement (which so many of you have done); it could be distracting me from the 'junk' that goes with this with a laugh; it could be prayer (which SO many of you have done); it could be sweeping my floor (which has been done, and continually is done); it could be loving on my family; it could be smiling; it could be treating me 'normally'; it could be planting flowers in my yard so that I can be reminded of what wonderful friends I have; it could be a card in the mail or it could be none of these things!! It does NOT mean that EVERYONE has to 'serve me'.... it means that you must SEEK what the Lord wants of you and be obedient!
Basically, this means that with anyone you meet.... you must form some type of relationship so that you are aware of the battle/war this person is facing and then help them fight it!!! For each battle this will look different. And, it involves risk on your part!! Are you willing to risk getting to know someone? Are you willing to risk your time in order to serve them? Are you willing to risk really knowing what it means to serve them? What exactly are you willing to risk? And, what is the pay off for you? Coming closer to Christ!! Sounds like a win/win situation to me!!!
So, this is what I am basically saying here:
~You will be at war at some point. WHen you are, your responsibility is to collect the firey darts!! when you aren't, your responsiblity is to shoulder the burden alongside those you know are in battle!!
~It involves risk.
~The payoff is so worth it. My opinion is that this is the abundant life that Jesus came to give us. (I come to give you life, and life abundantly. John 10:10)
So, let this soak in. "Smoke on it" as Chris would say then, ask how that looks in your life!!!!
Here is the update from today's appointments:
~ Chemo #4 is history!! 2 treatements to do. Something like June 14 is my LAST scheduled treatment!!!! YEEE HAAA~ (there is another drug that I will take until the first of March next year, however, it is not a 'toxic' drug and has no side effects!! Just extra 'insurance')
~Plastic surgeon appointment went ok. I did not get the results that I wanted, but I am on the way to healing! Because of the difficulties with the leaky incision and the drain tube; the decision was made that the expander (implant) had to come out. This procedure was done in the office and I am in no pain. This will allow this area to heal completely and wholly. After I am finished with Chemo, she will put this expander (implant) back in and we'll start from square one. This will put me about 5 months behind and that is not the end of the world, but I was so hoping to have this whole process finished by this time!! She still is unsure why this has happened, and really has done everything she knows to do (the doctor, I mean). She, too, was frustrated and apologized, but is concerned for my health and well being and in the long run, this is the best decision.
I am having a hard time with this; and will adjust to the even further changes in my body. But, am still trying to get my head wrapped around all this. It caught me off guard today, for some reason. (I knew this would be the next step IF this other stuff didn't work, just didn't expect it today!!)
~My blood counts were good this morning, and my 'borderline' anemic status is improving.
Thank you all for your prayers and continued support in this war. Most of all, thank you for fighting with me.
Until next time.....
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Rough Couple of Weeks....
Good evening everyone.
When I started this blog; it was for the purpose of keeping you updated, and I've not done a good job of doing that lately! So, hang on for the ride. This is a lot of info; and hopefully you will see why I've chosen this title for this post. Having said this: Please be assured that I have never lost sight that God is in control and He has been before me. And, having said that; hopefully you will see/understand how even in the sight of that I could be a little discouraged!
On the day of my last chemo (April 19) I had a plastic surgeon appointment. As many of you are aware; I have had a 'leaky' incision for about 2 months. This has caused my incision to be hindered in the healing process because it could not stay dry in order to heal correctly. Therefore, she (the dr.) inserted a drain tube so that my incision could heal properly and the fluid could drain properly. She also told me the only other thing she knew of to do if this doesn't work is to remove the expander (implant), let my body heal completely and start all over. (WHich is NOT what I want!!!)
Usually in 4-5 days, I am 'over' chemo and feeling more like myself; but not this time. I was feeling good enough by Saturday to take prom pictures; but it wore me out!! (SO that was NOT my normal self!!) Come to find out, I had Thrush. Each time I have had chemo, I have gotten thrush (a yeast infection that is caused by the 'good' bacteria being stripped from my mouth/esophogus/stomach) I have pills and mouth swish and apparently started taking it too soon or something (Will ask next chemo visit). I never had the same symptoms I had previously, so I didn't realize thrush was rearing its ugly head!!
The following WEdnesday (10 days from chemo); I had a fever after church of almost 102!! No other signs of infection!! The PS office didn't seem alarmed because of the answers we gave to their questions. The oncologist office said it was probably thrush, go ahead and start with another round of the pills. (So, I gladly did in order to get rid of it!!)
The following Friday; my friend Jenny and I spent the night out of town getting ready for a Beth Moore conference at Woodstock FBC. We were both so excited!! As we got ourselves ready for bed that night, I noticed I had much redness, swelling and 'temperature' around my previously leaky incision!! Cause for alarm!! Some of the questions I'd been asked by the PS office were showing up now. I knew I had an appointment the coming Monday so I watched it carefully and it never got worse and even got some better.
I still, at this point, had not 'bounced back' from chemo. I was still very tired and just could not seem to have any energy.
On Monday I had my weekly blood check at the oncology office. This report showed that I was borderline anemic! So, that explained the tired/no energy!! (WHich made me feel better that there was a reason!) They will check again tomorrow (monday, 5/3) and if I have dropped (red blood count) they will talk about giving me a shot to boost this number. On this same day, the plastic surgeon reported everything was looking GREAT. There was still a bit of redness (which I was WAY worried about); but there were NO SIGNS of infection!! This was truly an answered prayer. I was convinced I might have a few days with some IV antibiotics, but God was thinking otherwise!!! She was happy to see a dry incision (first time in a couple of months) and fluid draining away from incision. Very good report, and a very happy me!!
This past WEdnesday; something happened (still don't know what) and the stitched part of my incision bled (enough to soak thru 2 shirts). Hasn't bled since and the more I look at it, the more I think I've opened it back up some how. From WEdnesday until Saturday it remained dry, but began leaking fluid again on Saturday afternoon!!
Overnight at some point on Friday night, my drain tube worked its way out and stopped pulling the fluid correctly. We called a nurse friend who came early Saturday a.m. and was able to feed it back in and tape it with steri-strips. So far (this is Sunday p.m.) it has stayed in place and continued to pull fluid as it is supposed to. However, my incision continues to leak (again). I have an appointment with the plastic surgeon. I am so hoping that she can do something to either close the incision or fix it somehow. I am also hoping she can stitch the drain tube back into place without starting all over (that was a painful process!!)
One of my posts, I talked about transparency and about you can't really be transparent without a light source behind the 'subject'! I am afraid I've not been quite the transparent one lately. I keep thinking 'things' are gonna get better; and that it could be MUCH worse (which it could). I have not allowed my friends to be in on this with me. I have told myself from the very beginning of this journey that mine is nothing compared to some people's journey!! This is very true, but I've come to the conclusion that this is MY journey and I'm having a hard time!!
As the 'plan' was... I should have been getting ready to schedule surgery #2 to get my permanent implants and get on the road to healing. As it stands, I've not been able to progress toward this goal in over 2 months!! This frustrates me a lot!!
I also will be returning to work a week from now. This concerns me a little given the last 2-3 weeks of 'progress'~ but if I don't return to work, I'll be docked and total, that will be about 20 days worth of pay. Not a good thing to miss that many days of pay!!
I am concerned that my incision is leaking again and frustrated because it doesn't matter what I do; I cannot seem to heal!!
I am concerned that my next chemo is tomorrow (monday) and I'm really not 'over' the last one and all the other 'excitement.'
I am concerned that I am just having a hard time emotionally.... and don't like it. I know I am human and all that.... but really.... being down in the dumps and whining is NOT going to help!! But, that seems to be where I am at this point.... Quite discouraged!!
So, as I update you all; I also ask you to pray for these issues I've spelled out. I really NEED to be more healed than I am. In just three short weeks, my oldest graduates. This will be a VERY BUSY time, and I SO want to enjoy these events with him. He does not deserve to celebrate and me not be there to celebrate with him!!!
Thank you, friends. Sorry this post has been so long, and if you've made it to this point, I appreciate your continued support, prayer and friendship!!
I will try to update tomorrow after my Plastic Surgeon appointment.....
Until then.......
When I started this blog; it was for the purpose of keeping you updated, and I've not done a good job of doing that lately! So, hang on for the ride. This is a lot of info; and hopefully you will see why I've chosen this title for this post. Having said this: Please be assured that I have never lost sight that God is in control and He has been before me. And, having said that; hopefully you will see/understand how even in the sight of that I could be a little discouraged!
On the day of my last chemo (April 19) I had a plastic surgeon appointment. As many of you are aware; I have had a 'leaky' incision for about 2 months. This has caused my incision to be hindered in the healing process because it could not stay dry in order to heal correctly. Therefore, she (the dr.) inserted a drain tube so that my incision could heal properly and the fluid could drain properly. She also told me the only other thing she knew of to do if this doesn't work is to remove the expander (implant), let my body heal completely and start all over. (WHich is NOT what I want!!!)
Usually in 4-5 days, I am 'over' chemo and feeling more like myself; but not this time. I was feeling good enough by Saturday to take prom pictures; but it wore me out!! (SO that was NOT my normal self!!) Come to find out, I had Thrush. Each time I have had chemo, I have gotten thrush (a yeast infection that is caused by the 'good' bacteria being stripped from my mouth/esophogus/stomach) I have pills and mouth swish and apparently started taking it too soon or something (Will ask next chemo visit). I never had the same symptoms I had previously, so I didn't realize thrush was rearing its ugly head!!
The following WEdnesday (10 days from chemo); I had a fever after church of almost 102!! No other signs of infection!! The PS office didn't seem alarmed because of the answers we gave to their questions. The oncologist office said it was probably thrush, go ahead and start with another round of the pills. (So, I gladly did in order to get rid of it!!)
The following Friday; my friend Jenny and I spent the night out of town getting ready for a Beth Moore conference at Woodstock FBC. We were both so excited!! As we got ourselves ready for bed that night, I noticed I had much redness, swelling and 'temperature' around my previously leaky incision!! Cause for alarm!! Some of the questions I'd been asked by the PS office were showing up now. I knew I had an appointment the coming Monday so I watched it carefully and it never got worse and even got some better.
I still, at this point, had not 'bounced back' from chemo. I was still very tired and just could not seem to have any energy.
On Monday I had my weekly blood check at the oncology office. This report showed that I was borderline anemic! So, that explained the tired/no energy!! (WHich made me feel better that there was a reason!) They will check again tomorrow (monday, 5/3) and if I have dropped (red blood count) they will talk about giving me a shot to boost this number. On this same day, the plastic surgeon reported everything was looking GREAT. There was still a bit of redness (which I was WAY worried about); but there were NO SIGNS of infection!! This was truly an answered prayer. I was convinced I might have a few days with some IV antibiotics, but God was thinking otherwise!!! She was happy to see a dry incision (first time in a couple of months) and fluid draining away from incision. Very good report, and a very happy me!!
This past WEdnesday; something happened (still don't know what) and the stitched part of my incision bled (enough to soak thru 2 shirts). Hasn't bled since and the more I look at it, the more I think I've opened it back up some how. From WEdnesday until Saturday it remained dry, but began leaking fluid again on Saturday afternoon!!
Overnight at some point on Friday night, my drain tube worked its way out and stopped pulling the fluid correctly. We called a nurse friend who came early Saturday a.m. and was able to feed it back in and tape it with steri-strips. So far (this is Sunday p.m.) it has stayed in place and continued to pull fluid as it is supposed to. However, my incision continues to leak (again). I have an appointment with the plastic surgeon. I am so hoping that she can do something to either close the incision or fix it somehow. I am also hoping she can stitch the drain tube back into place without starting all over (that was a painful process!!)
One of my posts, I talked about transparency and about you can't really be transparent without a light source behind the 'subject'! I am afraid I've not been quite the transparent one lately. I keep thinking 'things' are gonna get better; and that it could be MUCH worse (which it could). I have not allowed my friends to be in on this with me. I have told myself from the very beginning of this journey that mine is nothing compared to some people's journey!! This is very true, but I've come to the conclusion that this is MY journey and I'm having a hard time!!
As the 'plan' was... I should have been getting ready to schedule surgery #2 to get my permanent implants and get on the road to healing. As it stands, I've not been able to progress toward this goal in over 2 months!! This frustrates me a lot!!
I also will be returning to work a week from now. This concerns me a little given the last 2-3 weeks of 'progress'~ but if I don't return to work, I'll be docked and total, that will be about 20 days worth of pay. Not a good thing to miss that many days of pay!!
I am concerned that my incision is leaking again and frustrated because it doesn't matter what I do; I cannot seem to heal!!
I am concerned that my next chemo is tomorrow (monday) and I'm really not 'over' the last one and all the other 'excitement.'
I am concerned that I am just having a hard time emotionally.... and don't like it. I know I am human and all that.... but really.... being down in the dumps and whining is NOT going to help!! But, that seems to be where I am at this point.... Quite discouraged!!
So, as I update you all; I also ask you to pray for these issues I've spelled out. I really NEED to be more healed than I am. In just three short weeks, my oldest graduates. This will be a VERY BUSY time, and I SO want to enjoy these events with him. He does not deserve to celebrate and me not be there to celebrate with him!!!
Thank you, friends. Sorry this post has been so long, and if you've made it to this point, I appreciate your continued support, prayer and friendship!!
I will try to update tomorrow after my Plastic Surgeon appointment.....
Until then.......
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Just some thoughts....
What a fun day this has been for the kids in Union County!! PROM DAY 2010~
The weather has been beautiful; there has been enough 'warm' in the air for a hint of spring, but not too hot!! Just beautiful (and everything was such a nice shade of green, thanks to the pollen)~
All day, I've kept thinking about this particular day.... Senior Prom; 2010. I really had some grand plans for this day, as this is my oldest child's prom. Right around the corner; he'll be looking back on this day as a distant memory. Many of you know, I am a teacher at the high school, which 'allows' me to chaperone such events!! I had already planned (long ago) to volunteer, and if I happened to have my camera; I might snap a few pics~ (Those of you who know me well are falling out of your chair laughing. There is no such thing as "happening' to snap a 'few' pics in our family!!)
Obviously, because of other plans, my plans for this day were put on the back burner. I haven't returned to school yet; chemo this week has made me a little more tired than the others; and I just didn't feel like going. So, I've been mad all day about the fact that I wanted to be there so badly but couldn't.
As the day wore on and more Prom events were approaching and then gone; I really wasn't sure exactly why I was having all these stupid emotions.
Then, I got a text.... a good one. My son and his date were voted Prom King and Queen!! Whew!! And, I missed it!!!
After this; my anger just seemed to go away. Not really sure why. I had already been kind of thinking about how fortunate we have been to raise our kids in the best place on earth; how good it feels to be able to trust our children when they tell us something; how beautiful our children are...... been thinking about those things a lot. I also, throughout the day, was thinking how unfair our 'situation' has been for them.
HOWEVER, I've come to the conclusion that we are all better for it. On Facebook recently I asked the question (something like): "Is Brokenness necessary for growth?" In our situation; the brokenness that we have experienced as a family has allowed us to grow in such a way we never would have otherwise! We are closer; we laugh at little things more; we take care of each other and above all, we are more sure now than ever that God is faithful! You see, my children needed to see what it looks like to be broken before God. And, He has chosen me to help them with that. (DOn't you wish He didn't trust you so much sometimes?)
As I sat and waited on our son to return home safe and sound, I began feeling sad for the parents that DON'T have the blessings I have. I felt sad that perhaps there might be some mama that was pacing the floor wondering what kind of antics her child was into. Felt sad that there was a daughter that didn't get the approval of her father before leaving with her date (and the consequences that could follow). Felt sad for the parents who perhaps would get 'that' phone call.....
So~ as you can tell; this has been such an emotional roller coaster kind of a day. I'm so thankful tomorrow is Sunday... the day of rest!!
Not really sure why I felt the need to spill all this out, but perhaps someone will benefit from it.....
~If you have plans; don't write them in stone. Our Father just might have other plans. THis happens to the best of us, and it doesn't really matter how carefully you plan. Things change. The thing I had to remind myself of today is this: When I stop trying to tell Him how to run my life, things go a lot better!!!
~Being angry doesn't really help a lot. Just gives you wrinkles!!
~It's ok to be angry for a little bit. Just don't set up camp there. Once you camp there, it is quite the difficult task to pack that tent away.
~Find something to be thankful for!!! Sometimes that is HARD; but it can be done!!!!
I am going to attempt to post a couple of pics here. This afternoon; the hammock came out of hiding for the season, and all three kids piled up and had the best time!!!
Until next time......
The weather has been beautiful; there has been enough 'warm' in the air for a hint of spring, but not too hot!! Just beautiful (and everything was such a nice shade of green, thanks to the pollen)~
All day, I've kept thinking about this particular day.... Senior Prom; 2010. I really had some grand plans for this day, as this is my oldest child's prom. Right around the corner; he'll be looking back on this day as a distant memory. Many of you know, I am a teacher at the high school, which 'allows' me to chaperone such events!! I had already planned (long ago) to volunteer, and if I happened to have my camera; I might snap a few pics~ (Those of you who know me well are falling out of your chair laughing. There is no such thing as "happening' to snap a 'few' pics in our family!!)
Obviously, because of other plans, my plans for this day were put on the back burner. I haven't returned to school yet; chemo this week has made me a little more tired than the others; and I just didn't feel like going. So, I've been mad all day about the fact that I wanted to be there so badly but couldn't.
As the day wore on and more Prom events were approaching and then gone; I really wasn't sure exactly why I was having all these stupid emotions.
Then, I got a text.... a good one. My son and his date were voted Prom King and Queen!! Whew!! And, I missed it!!!
After this; my anger just seemed to go away. Not really sure why. I had already been kind of thinking about how fortunate we have been to raise our kids in the best place on earth; how good it feels to be able to trust our children when they tell us something; how beautiful our children are...... been thinking about those things a lot. I also, throughout the day, was thinking how unfair our 'situation' has been for them.
HOWEVER, I've come to the conclusion that we are all better for it. On Facebook recently I asked the question (something like): "Is Brokenness necessary for growth?" In our situation; the brokenness that we have experienced as a family has allowed us to grow in such a way we never would have otherwise! We are closer; we laugh at little things more; we take care of each other and above all, we are more sure now than ever that God is faithful! You see, my children needed to see what it looks like to be broken before God. And, He has chosen me to help them with that. (DOn't you wish He didn't trust you so much sometimes?)
As I sat and waited on our son to return home safe and sound, I began feeling sad for the parents that DON'T have the blessings I have. I felt sad that perhaps there might be some mama that was pacing the floor wondering what kind of antics her child was into. Felt sad that there was a daughter that didn't get the approval of her father before leaving with her date (and the consequences that could follow). Felt sad for the parents who perhaps would get 'that' phone call.....
So~ as you can tell; this has been such an emotional roller coaster kind of a day. I'm so thankful tomorrow is Sunday... the day of rest!!
Not really sure why I felt the need to spill all this out, but perhaps someone will benefit from it.....
~If you have plans; don't write them in stone. Our Father just might have other plans. THis happens to the best of us, and it doesn't really matter how carefully you plan. Things change. The thing I had to remind myself of today is this: When I stop trying to tell Him how to run my life, things go a lot better!!!
~Being angry doesn't really help a lot. Just gives you wrinkles!!
~It's ok to be angry for a little bit. Just don't set up camp there. Once you camp there, it is quite the difficult task to pack that tent away.
~Find something to be thankful for!!! Sometimes that is HARD; but it can be done!!!!
I am going to attempt to post a couple of pics here. This afternoon; the hammock came out of hiding for the season, and all three kids piled up and had the best time!!!
Until next time......
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