Summertime....

Hello all,
Just some thoughts about this particular summer.... First, let me tell you how my summer usually goes:  Mission trip; Centrifuge; Family Vacation; gardening and just some heavy duty playing.  Summertime usually is a busy, but very fun and refreshing time for me.

This year, summertime will be different!!

Physically, I don't think I will be strong enough to do the things I am used to doing. Still trying to decide what to do about the New Orleans trip; and know that Centrifuge (a Youth camp) will probably be out of the question.  I know that physically, I must 'take care' of myself.  But, what does that really mean?  Does it mean sit out and miss the life that is going around me?  Does it mean give in to a little tiredness?  Does it mean if I feel like it GO? So much that is up in the air!!

Emotionally, it is very difficult for me to admit that I really probably will miss both trips this summer, along with gardening and the other things that we 'do' each year.  We've been in Blairsville for 11 years.... and for 11 years I've gone on youth trips each summer.  Even when the children were much smaller and it made sense to stay home, I went!!

This summer will also be different than any other because of this stupid battle with breast cancer.  June 14, I will FINISH chemo!!  (I will continue the drug Herceptin until March.)  I also will (hopefully) have surgery the week of July 5.  (THis will be to replace the tissue expander (implant) that had to be removed earlier).   So, I have different things to tend to this year.  Just not the things I'd LIKE to be tending to!!

On top of these things to ponder; I have begun collecting fluid on the same left side again.  I have been drain tube free for 2 glorious weeks, and in just a few short days have begun to produce fluid again.  Not sure what she (the dr.) will do about that, or how it will affect upcoming surgery.  I have an appointment Monday, June 7.  I'll know more then!  I should also find out about surgery at this same appointment.

So.... I"m not quite sure what I am supposed to learn from all this.  I have tried to be quiet; tried to listen; tried to do what I'm told. It seems that I have taken 2 steps forward and at least 3 steps back for quite some time!!  And, basically, I am just ready for this to be OVER!!!!!

Please do not get me wrong.  I have a lot to be thankful for, and I am thankful!!  This battle could be a LOT worse, and I realize that.  I have not been sick; I have a very good prognosis; I have a great support system; the end is in sight (well, with chemo anyway); and many other things.  I am very thankful and remind myself constantly of other battles I hear about that are much worse than mine!!  But it is still discouraging sometimes.... and this happens to be one of those times.

So, let me encourage you to LIVE LIFE!!  If you have an opportunity to do something... DO IT.  You just never know if you will have another chance or not!!  We are not promised tomorrow!  It is easy to get caught up in the routine of 'life' but are we really living when we do that?  When is the last time you decided to meet up with friends and not mow the yard?  Or, what if your kids ask you to play a game... are you too busy?  What about a trip you've been wanting to take?  What is stopping you?  Is there someone you are angry with?  Do you remember why?  How about stopping for no reason and getting an ice cream?  WHy not?  Dessert first?  OF COURSE!!!
LIVE YOUR LIFE this week.  Take your head out of the routine and do something out of the ordinary that is fun!!  Life is too short not to!!!!!

Until next time.......