Monday, May 10, 2010
Happy Mother's Day
Good evening, all. Wanted to take just a minute and blog just a bit. First, for all of you who are Mothers.... Happy MOther's Day to you. I hope it has been quite the special day for you! My family made it really nice for me!! I do not deserve such wonderful children!! WOW. God was showing off when He made them!!! Since my last post on the Warrior; this subject has overtaken my mind. I have always been fascinated with the passage in Ephesians 6 where Paul describes in detail for us the Armour of God. And, I thought I kind of had a grasp on it. I'm finding out, I do NOT!! The picture that has stayed with me from this passage is one of gory; bloody; hard; adrenaline rushing battle. Much like you would see in the movie "300" or at the end of the CS Lewis movie (cannot think of the name of it to save my life right now... chemo brain, haa haa). Those not fun for me to watch and are quite intense!! I'd rather watch something light and funny!! As I posted before, we are assured we are not in battle alone! We have many others fighting alongside us in many different ways. However, think about those battles.... (IN the movies).... it might seem like everyone is tied up in a battle of their own; or it might seem there is little communication; or it might even seem you are lost in the crowd. Rest assured; this is NOT the case!! These warriors are rolling up sleeves and fighting FOR YOU. That is the truest picture of intercession, I think. What happens though, when the battle plan changes? Retreat? Stop the fighting? Quit? Plan B? Maybe all of these!! What I am coming to realize is this: My WAR is still on. Several battles within the war have already been won (surgery; chemo; timing of things; protection; a healthy body to begin with, etc). At this point in my War, however, things have taken a different turn than expected. I wrote about this last time. SO~friends.... it is time for ME to regroup then communicate to my fellow warriors. Perhaps this is what God is teaching me.... we are still fighting the same War (stupid cancer/chemo) but the battle plan has not been written in stone, or it wasn't as simple as I first thought. So, here are the things that I battle.... If you care to join me in this 'newest' development of this adventure; there is a 'new plan ahead'..... ~The removal of my tissue expander has really thrown me for a loop. I now it is for the best in the long run; but I've just plain had a hard time with it. ~Chemo kicked my butt this time!! I'm SO not wanting to do 2 more treatments!! ~I know God IS in control and knows that these plans He has will not harm me (Jer. 29:11) BUT, I've still had a tough week. ~Many people ask, "How are you?" and I give Sunday School answers. "Fine" or "alright" seem to be the choice ones. Really..... I feel awful. I'm tired; I"m discouraged; I am feeling more defeated right now than I have in a very long time!! ~I still have a drain tube that has given me FITS this week. It has been sore and aggravated, and I am still producing a lot of fluid (remember, this was the problem to begin with!!). PLEASE PRAY FOR HEALING... IMMEDIATE; COMPLETE AND PERMANENT Healing in this area!!! ~I have to return to school tomorrow. I want to go back. But, I am kind of between a rock and hard place; and not sure I like those spots. ~I haven't been very transparent about my discouragement, and I apologize to you for that. (I promised I would, remember?) ~Did I mention that I have the most wonderful children in the world? Our oldest graduates in two weeks. Might be having a hard time with that.... ok, I AM. (Hee hee. I"m sure none of you understand that!!) Now. I dump all this out so that you have a better picture of the current battle (I say that because Wars are made of Battles). Currently; I feel that I'm being beat to a pulp and not so sure it is not my own fault!! Sorry. This wasn't the most encouraging/inspirational post to date. But, the purpose of this is to help you follow my progress, or lack of. Honesty is important (not that I've NOT been honest. I have. Just haven't been brutally so....) I will see the Plastic Surgeon again tomorrow. A little concerned about the visit due to the continued fluid output. Concerned about returning to school with a stupid drain tube. concerned about my energy/stamina levels over the next 2 weeks. Important events going on... Thank you, fellow warriors. I wish I had stronger words than, "Thank you'..... those two seem so feeble at this point. Until next time.....
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Praying for your doctor visit tomorrow, for your stamina and for the fluid to STOP!
ReplyDeleteBattling with you,
Cindy
Oh my friend, I am so sorry. I love you and am praying for you. Wish I could make it all better (the Type A fixer in me).
ReplyDeleteIf you need me, I'm here. Just yell.
Leah
Krista, I just told someone last week that we apologize sometimes that "all I know to do is pray for you," whereas that is the MOST important thing we can do sometimes. Please know we are holding you up so many times throughout the day to the Father. I'll pray hard for your doctor's visit today, for a great day at school, for stamina to be able to do the things you feel important at this time.
ReplyDeleteWe love you so much, precious girl!
Krista,
ReplyDeleteWe will be praying for you, here in S. Florida. Your fighting the battle is inspirational, though you are going through a terrible time right now. Friends past and present are praying for you and that God's healing hand would be upon you.
Whaat does it say "the night is darkest just before the dawn"? Krista, remembering Elliott's battle, toward the end of Chemo he was down to 148 pounds (from 205)He looked and felt like those POW's from WW II concentration camps. But one month later, he was a new man. Remember, God is in charge, He did not say "oops" this morning when you felt so bad or when your drain tube hasn't healed properly. It just could be the Chemo that is preventing the healing? But God knows what He is doing. It is God that heals. Just think, without this battle, you would never have experienced all this love or all the prayers put up on your behalf. Another Cancer patient or someone about to be one may be reading your blog and be encouraged to fight on. You are not in this alone. God is with you every step and is already waiting with open arms for you when it is over. You just don't know what a ministry God is prepairing you for or how many lives you will touch. Isn't God good not to give us a preview of life and what we will experience? "Yard by Yard life is hard - inch by inch it is a chinch". and I bet when you get to school you will be overwhelmed by the love from your students. I am convinced that God is in the process of healing you, its just the fact that He has His own timetable. Prayers for you ,dear friend.
ReplyDeleteJohn Godfrey
Prayers going up for a good (and safe trip) to the doctor today, strength for all the upcoming events and going back to work, and for the drain tube!! I love you and will continue to lift you up each and every day.
ReplyDeleteDonna
Good morning Ms Krista,
ReplyDeleteWhen I spoke with God this morning, I asked Him to spread HIS Salve all over you for peace of mind, and HEALING.
Know that you have many praying. May you know His touch today.
In HIS Love, Tomi & Glen
Thank you for being REAL. That is part of why you are one of my heroes! My heroes don't win all their battles, but (with His grace) they fight on! Bless you dear sister. I love you! And ... by the way ... you are blessed with some great kids!
ReplyDeleteBro. Fred
hey babe,
ReplyDeleteit's about time you got honest with what is going on with you. Krsita, you have hit the wall and with two more treaments you may get even weaker. Now, the good news is after the last treament and you get over it your energy level will continue to go up. I promise you will wake up and you will begin to feel like your old self. don't beat yourself up about the drain because that is NOT normal what you are going through with that. most other patients have completely healed up by now and are finished with the chemo, etc... The infection is a whole different animal from the cancer and I'm glad the expander is gone so your body may heal on it's own with no interruptions. Please know that you are covered and bathed in prayer daily by us and we are so proud of you and how far you have come. I know that two more seems like allot but it is not and YOU CAN DO THIS! Love ya lots, Miriam
I'm on my knees for you. Thanks for being honest & up front with this--helps me know how to pray. Isn't it great that God understands it when we're discouraged, or angry, or upset, or hurting?? He doesn't look at his children and say, why they just don't trust me or have enough faith. He looks at us with compassion & love and says..oh I remember when I felt that way when I was with them through my Son--I'll minister to them through other believers or through the Holy Spirit because, after all ....my grace is sufficient for all your needs.......
ReplyDeletePrayers going up for you and your family. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings while in the midst of this battle. It takes bravery to type out those words but I bet it feels good to get them out. One of my favorite images of our Heavenly Father is when he places us under His wing for protection. I'm praying that you'll find peace and rest under His Wing in the next few weeks. Love-Amy
ReplyDelete