Transparent:

Over the past few weeks, this whole idea of 'transparency' has been brewing in my pea brain. I'm really not sure why; but it has. Part of the reason I've thought about it is I've asked myself the question, "Why did you even start this blog?" Answers I've come up with are: Hmmmm, I don't know; To keep people posted on my progress; to bring attention to myself; and those pretty much sum up what I"ve wrestled with.

Those of you who know me well, know that I do not like attention being drawn to myself; and it makes me quite uncomfortable when it is.

Several of you have left comments saying what and 'inspiration' this blog has been. Not sure that was my aim, but if it has been, that is alright!!

As I've traveled this journey thus far, physically and emotionally, there have been some really great days, and some really not so great days. On one of those not so great days is when this word, "Transparency" popped into my head.

I have finally realized, come to the conclusion that; in order to be transparent, there has to be some darkness and some light. So, there you go. Chew on that for a little while!!

Have you ever been to the point where you were afraid to pray, "Whatever it takes, Lord; I'll do what you want!"? That can be scary. Do we really mean that? Or, do we mean, "Whatever it takes as long as I don't lose anything or become bothered during the process."

My point is this: In order for others to see what the Light is that shines for others to through the person; there must be a contrast of that light, which is dark. I am not meaning good vs. evil; but... Anything that allows LIGHT to shine through darkness. In my case, breast cancer/chemo. In others cases it might be the loss of a job; a death of a loved one; difficult situations. So... are YOU transparent?

As I have the countdown to chemo..... I am afraid that I'm becoming more and more transparent:
I do not want to do chemo.
I want to know exactly what will happen (impossible)
I want to know that I won't have horrid side effects like so many have shared that I 'will' have.
I want to be assured of everything being alright.

So, as I was hit by the 2x4 of 'transparency' I realize that me having those wants listed above would not allow any light to show through at all.... So, again, I ask you for your prayers.

Please pray that God's hand will continue to be upon every phase of my remaining healing/treatments.
Please pray for my precious family that we'll be able to handle with grace what is before us, whatever that is.
Please pray that I can look at this as an opportunity rather than a 'sentence'....

Thanks, friends!!!
And, finally.... I wonder: Are YOU transparent? Do you have THE light shining from behind or within you? What are others seeing as they see within you? Is it Jesus? If not... might ought to change the bulb!!!

Tuesday, March 2 will be my first chemo treatment. I will have a total of 6 treatments, each being 3 weeks apart. THere really isn't any 'progress' to report until then, unless something happens. So.... until Tuesday.....